VivaLaJewFace

Today, I found the family's pet hamster under my mattress, he's been missing for six months. FML

Today, I made my new girlfriend orgasm for the first time. All she said after was "I drooled a little". FML

Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML

Today, I played games on Barbie.com and gave up after 10 minutes. They were hard. FML

Today, I finally reunited with a lot of old friends from school. It was great to see everyone grown up and hear the stories. At the end we decided to have a group photo for old times sake. They asked me to take the picture. FML

Today, my tennis coach showed up to practice in an all white outfit. I exclaimed, "You're looking very white today!" He's African American. FML

Today, I cut myself with child-proof scissors. FML