Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML
Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML
Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Today, I was watching a movie alone with my girlfriend. She shifted positions as I put my arm around her, and ended up kneeing me in the crotch and shouldering me in the throat simultaneously. FML
Today, I was horsing around after my big test. Someone punched me softly on my back. Figuring it was my friend, I turned around and did a roundhouse kick. It was my girlfriend. FML
Today, My girlfriend came from behind me and put her hand in my back pockets. I though it was someone trying to take my wallet, I elbowed her in the nose and broke it. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML
Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML
Today, I was in school when I spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her, I broke her nose. FML
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Top comments
infantrygirl 0
Lindsey, what the hell do you mean by that?? First, 99.9999% of military men and women would NOT overreact like that, so your comment is unfair. Second, if he is in the military, and he has PTSD, you, as an ignorant civvi, have NO right to judge him. Learn some respect for those who risk their lives for your freedom.
Big_Pick 0
My natural instincts are to scream like a girl and run away. It's a miracle my species has survived.
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Comments (108)
zfchatroulette 24
Some girls are into that, you know... hahahah
MarkToast 19
well instinct is the key word here. ypu cant help but do it
duma191 21
your username says Joe. is that short for GIJoe?
ilovemychem 22
Who does that lol
nachosbabygurl 9
what are you a ninja
hillgerb 16
I'm not gonna lie, sometimes when someone scares/surprises me I've tried to hit them or something. I even busted a girls lip on accident cause she jumped on me, and I don't even take martial arts.
superguydude200 5
That's a bit overkill. Are you some sort or ex-SAS movie supervillain?
Mcstud1y 30
I would do the same thing, if it was in public, it wasn't your fault
TheKingOfHearts 19
You did that LIKE A BOSS!
catlover5299 18
I have had no martial arts/ military/ combat training, and my natural instinct if someone did that would instantly be to spin around and pinch what/whoever is there...