Today, my girlfriend said that while she was playing volleyball, her whole life flashed before her eyes. According to her grandmother, my girlfriend is now psychic. She completely believes it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her mom who had passed away years ago told her that I was cheating on her, telepathically. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke up in the middle of the night, crying. When I asked her why, she said that she had a dream where we were getting married. FML
Today, my mom reached the lowest point of her midlife crisis. She convinced herself she's psychic and grounded me for something she "knows" I'm going to do. FML
Today, while my girlfriend is in hospital, I'm left at home with her mom. What I didn't know is that her mom's medication makes her do strange things. I learned that right away when she took a seat next to me, completely naked, on the couch. My girlfriend's mom is my grandmother's age. FML
Today, I found out that my whole family thinks my girlfriend is imaginary. I sent her a text in front of them telling her that. She never responded. FML
Today, my grandma wasn't feeling well, so I went to her house to check on her. After about 20 minutes, I knew she was feeling better when she looked at me and said, "So, do you have a boyfriend yet? I pray every night that I get to live long enough to see you with a boyfriend." FML
Today, my mother told me that my dead grandmother speaks to her. How? When she's thinking of her while brushing her teeth, her electric toothbrush will suddenly stop buzzing and this tells her her mother is communicating with her. FML
Today, I was cuddling my girlfriend. The TV was on behind me, with some kind of girl's basketball game playing. When I stared into my girlfriend's eyes, she accused me of trying to check out the girls by looking at their reflection in her eyes. FML
Today, I realized my girlfriend has way more friends than I do. How did I realize this? She called me to tell me she was at the beach with her friends, and how much fun she was having. I was playing WoW in my room, and my friends don't answer my texts. FML
Today, while at a football game, I had my arm around my girlfriend. We were really close and I was just about to kiss her when suddenly her phone rang. It was her dad, telling her he's watching. FML
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Top comments
stevenJB 25
Did she happen to take a spike to the head when that happened? Like really hard?
BrookieAnn 19
I see great relationship troubles in your future....ooooooo;)
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Comments (87)
Voij 16
Depends on whether you're interested in the philosophical approach or the scientific one. For the philo. one, yes. It happens right before you are supposed to die. For the scientific one, not quite. The phenomenon of your life flashing before your eyes is based on an increase of adrenaline in the blood stream which causes your brain to take in far more pictures per second than usual, thus giving the illusion of time slowing down. This conceived time dilation is also paired with a grasp into your subconscious memory to try and find out whether you are aware of/remember any methods to protect yourself in this situation, which usually results in your brain going through the more memorable situations of your past to find an appropriate response. It is during this process that you feel as though you relive all of your life.
lonewolf621 17
lol, nice nickname!
wldd0g 9
Why did you not finish the story 44? You got our attention then just stopped. Did the bear get you?
wvcheesehead1 9
She probably knows you posted this. Bad mogumbo for he who disobeyeth the Oracle.
xs4u 13
dehydration what?
mattlw 25
Here is how you break her of that, walk up to her and throw a cup of ice water onto her. Ask her if she saw it coming. Problem solved. Your welcome.
Thorzix 23
You're*
mattlw 25
I normally don't do that. I'm ashamed.
lambda_fml 40
#70 It was an American Pie reference.
mattlw 25
In short #65 sometimes yes and sometimes no.
lowiqtv 3
Your fault for dating the psycho bitch in the first place. If I were you, I would quickly remove your toe from that pool of stupid.
Obey_StudBoii 23
....