Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my racist, homophobic, generally degenerate grandmother visited. Within 20 minutes, she uttered multiple racial slurs, said Robert Downey Jr. will burn in hell for playing a black man in one of his movies, and yelled that she'd "whip the piss" out of me, after I asked her to leave. FML
Today, I decided to be nice and pay a visit to my grandma. We ended up playing Scrabble. In between passing wind that smelled like rotting eggs, she kept playing the filthiest words she could, and yelled at me whenever I checked to see if they were in the Scrabble dictionary. FML
Today, my grandma told me she likes to clean the house naked every day. I'm staying there all next week. FML
Today, I got home to my grandma yelling at the top of her lungs that I didn't do everything I was supposed to when I was home. I literally washed dishes, cleaned counters, vacuumed, gathered trash, AND cleaned the bathroom. I didn't fold my blankets. That's it. That's what she was yelling about. FML
Today, my perfectly healthy grandmother came to stay for Christmas. First, she persuaded my family to give her my bedroom. That would have been fine, until she demanded she should also have a bucket to piss in under my bed too. FML
Today, I decided to surprise-visit my grandparents. After knocking on the door and not getting a response, I opened it and walked in. Upon entering their house and yelling, "Hello", as I turned the corner I saw my near-deaf grandmother folding clothes while watching TV. She was topless. FML
Today, I had a fight with my grandma again with whom I've been living for four years due to college hostel being below par. She blamed me for destroying her kitchen equipment by extensively cooking, especially at night. I've never placed a foot inside her kitchen since the beginning. FML
Today, my psycho grandma yelled at me for being an "immature brat" by not offering to wash the dishes after dinner. I reminded her that when I offered last time, she raged at me for being "condescending." She responded by faking a heart attack and getting me indefinitely grounded. FML
Today, I went to visit my senile grandma, since she's ill and nobody else in the family visits her. I ended up having to sit through a long rant about the Illuminati, black people, and how we'd have a cure for the common cold already if it weren't for "those god damned foreigners". FML
Today, in the entire half-hour since my mother-in-law reached our home, she's inspected and criticised every aspect of our home, despite things being spot clean. And sermoned me non stop on how to "live". My husband still wonders why I don't want her visiting. It"s going to be a long two weeks. FML
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Top comments
Nilorak 24
Sneezing is really rude though dude.
ShadowlessSpear 21
Fap and sneeze at the same time. Show her who's boss.
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Comments (71)
Nilorak 24
Sneezing is really rude though dude.
Almost_Positive 18
Yeah seriously. If you've ever sneezed don't even think of coming near me
NotGabe 28
Sometimes sneezing can't be helped. :/
tournamentdecide 33
Would you like me to fix your sarcasm detector, or does it just need new batteries?
mathen 9
Sometimes sarcasm can't be detected :/
ExastirisDragon 22
If you can't detect this sarcasm then something is wrong.
ositoakaluis 16
@54 it looks like you need new batteries for your sarcasm detector
mazenisawesome 6
Its punishable by death in some parts of the world
GreekYogurt 26
Sarcasm fine. Being a bitch is not.
purplebabytacos1 14
Why are you helping her clean? Ps bless you
Nilorak 24
Maybe her grandma is old, so she needs some help?
Almost_Positive 18
It really doesn't sound like she deserves the help. Even if she's family. She should at least appreciate what OP is doing.
ShadowlessSpear 21
Fap and sneeze at the same time. Show her who's boss.
Almost_Positive 18
I'll get the tissues! For the sneezing, of course..
Kyle1dc 17
Bring a black friend over.... not during your sneeze/fap session of course.
ladyLALAA 29
Or bring your black friend over and fap them while they sneeze.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
@32 It could be someone who is racist against Asians, whites, Mexicans, or another race.
Kyle1dc 17
#43 Your right! Screw it bring in EVERY minority that you know just to be safe...
SandiRainbowFish 20
#46 I see what #43 is saying though. Everyone always assumes if the word racist is involved it's against blacks.
Kyle1dc 17
#55 Yeah it is a valid point, I guess its due to the fact that in my experience no one really hears much about hate crimes against other races. Usually on the news its a hate crime against African Americans. This is getting to serious.... uh.... [Insert penis joke... oh wait]
xxrogerthatxx 19
No, 62, **** that penis joke. What you said was head on, especially seeing as OP lives in the U.S. I'm black and didn't take any offense to you assuming that she was racist against blacks, because more than likely that's the case.
gunda95 11
No MASTURBATING?!?! Leave...
Arathis 19
Leave while you still can!
Pleonasm 36
Stand outside the window of the house, masturbating furiously and very loudly, and don't ever break eye contact with her.
purplebabytacos1 14
Would you do that to your grandma?
Pleonasm 36
I'd do it to his.
gracehi 33
Reminds me of a joke I heard: Chuck Norris is so tough, one day his mom walked in on him masturbating, so he looked her in the eye...and finished.
j_cat187 20
incest
ImAFaker 29
*wincest
lilushi 8
While wearing a tshirt that says "I
LittleBlackbird 20
As long as she bakes cookies, she is still a good grandmother.
Almost_Positive 18
Does that make me a good grandma??? :) Just kidding I can't bake if my life depended on it ._.
xxrogerthatxx 19
This isn't to converse, make a constructive comment and keep it moving. ^
23lf 16
It would be wierd to masturbating in someone else's house, especially your grandma
enddmd 27
Not really. When the urge is on, it's ON.
LowExpectations 30
I can never ********** outside my home. I don't understand how people can do it in random places. Yet, oddly enough, I've had sex in so many random places... Call me weird.
RedPillSucks 33
You're weird
fuckyourlifeOP 25
I've done it in plenty of other houses. Like 21 said, when you get the urge, there's no stopping it until you take care of it.
ArashiGirl 13
Trolling Grandma Strikes Again
Tyler0114 6
"Racial Slurs" While this was posted in Kentucky. Shocker.
RedPillSucks 33
Because Kentucky is the only place where racists live...
ladyLALAA 29
My friends grandma is getting on in years becoming senile and racist. In public she constantly loudly points out the "Mus-lums" and "fatties". Once I died my blonde hair red and she spent the day calling me "ranga" and pulling my hair. It's impossible to explain to her why this behavior is wrong.
LittleBells 17
#39, its true my Grandmother lives in Florida. She's considering moving just because an Asian family moved next to her.