Today, my girlfriend put a paper bag over my head while we had sex. Her reason? Because she thinks she is so good in bed she was worried I'd hyperventilate due to all the excitement. Instead I fainted due to lack of oxygen after three minutes. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I learned that my girlfriend is terrified of me seeing her sex faces, so she violently squished my face between her boobs during sex. I then had a severe asthma attack because I couldn't breathe properly. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to make love for the first time. The moment my bra came off, he started hyperventilating to the point of blacking out. So much for that. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. As I started getting close to having my first ever orgasm, I got extremely short of breath and started hyperventilating. His reaction was to cover my mouth to shut me up. FML
Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with a girl from home who I'd wanted for a long time. She has low blood pressure problems though, and when things got hot, she passed out while she was on top of me, fell and hit her head on the night stand. FML
Today, I went down on my girlfriend. In the midst of her orgasm, she grabbed my head with her legs, performing a submission most UFC fighters could be proud of, and she held on for so long that I almost suffocated. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML
Today, I was having sex with a girl and she passed out about a minute in. I panicked and thought she'd died so I tried to feel for a heartbeat. She woke up 45 seconds later and accused me of fondling her breasts while she was out. Apparently she has narcolepsy. FML
Today, my girlfriend fell asleep while giving me head. FML
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
Today, while having sex, I thought I was having an orgasm for the first time. Turns out I was just hyperventilating. FML
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Top comments
grapisy 8
Still counts.
FUUUandyourmom 16
What a wonderful girlfriend you've got there!
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Comments (400)
GabbyCharityM 0
I believe thats the nicest way possible to tell your boyfriend he's ugly.
U_Go_Boom 0
I agree, atleast she's still willin to give him some. although in this case it seems she just wants it herself.
Justincolon22 15
wow ha
Epsilonyx 15
That's a keeper.
BountyBass 13
ur ugly guy! fyl
v1kt4r 13
u my good man jus got paper bagged by ur gf...
frankgrimes 4
why would that even sound like a good idea.
ezzydote 0
damn I dnt think the bag was for that I think she think you ugly
clothesoptional 0
next time just poke holes in the bag :-P
ohmandapants 17
that has to be the worst excuse I've ever heard, how gullible are you OP?
C_mac1 0
Why did you let her put it over your head?
Channing0806 7
I'm guessing he doesn't get laid very often so he figured what the hell why not.
Vaginabutter 15
at least you started to get some.