Today, I was absentmindedly playing with a piece of lint. When I looked at it, I realized that I had been rolling and squeezing a dead spider in my fingers for about five minutes. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while at work, I felt what I thought was a ball of lint on the back of my neck. I reached back and grabbed it only to end up holding the biggest wolf spider I've ever seen. FML
Today, I smashed a spider with my pencil eraser. Later, I absentmindedly chewed on it while doing my homework. FML
Today, I tried to blink out a small speck of dirt that was caught in my eye. Instead, I learned what it feels like to suffocate a small, angry spider with your eyelid. FML
Today, I spent five minutes trying to kill a spider with my mind. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML
Today, my 2 year-old had a large booger blocking his nose so I pulled it out. I was on the phone and absentmindedly rolling it around between my thumb and pointer finger. I put it in my mouth and crushed it between my teeth for a solid minute before I remembered what it was. FML
Today, I was laying out in my backyard trying to get some color when I felt a little tickle on my lips. I rubbed them together to satisfy the itch, when I felt a sort of crunchiness popping between them. I had crushed a spider between my lips and its legs were still moving. FML
Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML
Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML
Today, I finally conquered my fear of spiders by catching one in a cup and releasing it outside. Feeling proud of my bravery, I proudly showed my accomplishment to my roommate, only to realize it wasn't a spider but a piece of lint. I screamed louder than I would have for a spider. FML
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Top comments
Tuesdays76 0
F the spiders life.
not_funny_at_all 3
Being deadly afraid of spiders myself, I can honestly say FYL:(
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Comments (131)
Thanatos1206 0
Is that a problem? At least it wasn't alive.
ydi_4_suking 20
maybe it was alive and all the rolling and playing killed the spider
ChickenInMyKitch 4
now she'll be somewhat of a spiderman (woman)
savs11 13
f the spiders life. It's dead, you're not, get over it.
m0tl3ycru3 0
15-your cat is adorable
Scalabrine44 0
*comment unrelated to the comment on which I am responding*
dolphincheddar 10
you killed charlotte! you bitch!
toastyjustice 5
50 Charlotte was the pig...what story were you told?
toastyjustice 5
wasn't me^^^
browncity23 0
53 Charlotte was the spider... Wilbur was the pig
littlemissFYL 5
right? i don't what all these people are bitching about. it's just a dead spider, there's NOTHING disgusting and creepy about that. you fool.
MissBrainDamage 0
OP you are just retarded is all I can say.
RaineLee 5
72- Agree.
carlabelle 0
Wow this is making me feel so paranoid now. I hate spiders.
largefoofighter 0
48-A spider has 8 legs therefore an arachnid
spencerchu 0
48 just saying spider are not insects I knew that and I'm only in 7th grade
xXshadowrollerXx 6
Lmfao, #56, it wasn't you? Then who was it exactly?
whitesox365 0
he goes on fml in his sleep. its a disease called beinadouchitis
stephy0823 0
lol annoying
truewinner 0
I disagree! Her name is MissBrainDamage and she's calling OP retarded...oh the awkward irony...
Tuesdays76 0
F the spiders life.
Fruit_Dealer 9
Or maybe the spider was liberated from its pointless existence to experiment something better who knows!
marissakmnn 0
Today, I was just squished and rolled in someone's fingers. FML
whitesox365 0
or what if this was the great grandson of that hugeass spider from harry potter? uh oooohhh
julian24245 0
What life? It's dead.
ceddyz17 10
there isn't a difference? jk
jordanprodigy023 0
You stupid
fl0ffy 0
omg!!!! I literally lol from this comment and the fml
sirdolittle 0
That's how doctor Frankenstein started. Watch it, if you have ideas of dismembering it and then sew it back together !
livin_plur 0
haha love that^
ILoveEmoes 9
Gross, yet funny :D
instnt1nfction 17
you tortured the spider?
Pizzamaster 0
that is ******* nasty. I find spiders extremely hard to kill. they always somehow escape the tissues
sirdolittle 0
Meanwhile it's really easy to let them live: just leave them the **** alone ! You should try.
whoisthisgirl 4
there is no living for any spider that crosses my path.
Pizzamaster 0
exactly!
livin_plur 0
depends on the spider, after the legs reach a certain thickness it's over I don't do none of that mutant tarantula shit :D
Pizzamaster 0
Yeah but even daddy long-legs wont survive in my house.
SchiTzenGiglez 0
lol #8 I hate that. you think you got it in the tissue, then it just disappears. then I cry like sissy girl
Noob30 0
USE A SHOE It is much more effective than a slim strip of paper.
spencerchu 0
ok ok ok u. will bow tell u the technique of killing a spider with a tissue, alright u first sneak up on it like a ninja then u strike it with ur tissue with all ur might. then u turn around and say mission exacuted
Coconutscyclone 0
Spiders are awful things. o.o they need to be killed. I just throw things at them until they die.
spencerchu 0
btw spiders eat pest such as roaches so spiders or roaches?
spencerchu 0
so does that mean whoever disliked my comment would like a house filled with roaches?
Radek18 0
Me gusta!
CockRocket 0
This is why people should be made illegal.
not_funny_at_all 3
Being deadly afraid of spiders myself, I can honestly say FYL:(
goodyfade 0
I am love with you