Today, my girlfriend and I were having a casual conversation, when the topic suddenly became my penis. Before I knew what was going on, she said, "It's not the size that matters though. It's how you use it. So I guess you're ok." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I'd dated girls with smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that if my penis was on any other body it would be considered small, but on me it's "cute." FML
Today, I learned that my insecurities regarding my dick size were unfounded, as my girlfriend gushed over my dick and said it was amazing. We then got down to business, and almost immediately heard, "Ow! Fuck, that's my cervix! This hurts! Stop!" FML
Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said, "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML
Today, my girlfriend kindly let me know that she didn't care that I am 'below average' in the penis department because it will leave her nice and tight for her next boyfriend. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML
Today, I noticed that my penis looks tiny in my girlfriend's hands. Without thinking, I pointed it out to her. Now she thinks I have a small cock, and I think she has man-hands. Either way, we're both turned off. FML
Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend about his views on personal growth. He replied, "What, you mean dick size?" FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were snuggling and we placed our hands together, palm to palm. I can bend the tips of my fingers over hers, which apparently surprised her because she commented, "Huh, so big hands AREN'T related to penis size." FML
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Top comments
skip_m 6
It's a Small World After All.
CanWeMicrowaveIt 11
It's not the size of your penis that matters. It's how you thrust in and out during sexual intercourse. I'm bad at puns..
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Comments (146)
skip_m 6
It's a Small World After All.
Telescope 1
It's not the size of the ship. It's the motion of the ocean. Don't worry about it OP
13ky13 20
But it's hard to get to England in a rowboat.
loroxe 6
It's not about the size, it's about sending a message.
DLT_fml 20
Hard but not impossible. There are other methods of transportation. Lol.
ICastillo 25
It's not how deep you fish, it's how you wiggle your worm.
CanWeMicrowaveIt 11
It's not the size of your penis that matters. It's how you thrust in and out during sexual intercourse. I'm bad at puns..
ICastillo 25
#72 I'll give you an A for effort. And You don't have to hit the bottom, just destroy the sides.
FFML_314 12
I'm still waiting to find out what the message is, 24 is talking about!
Lucia_Malpense 14
Am I the only person seeing double copies of 17?
TourettesGuyFTW 26
It's not about how deep you can dig, but how well you plough.
Wizardo 34
Size is important sometimes, but how you use your fingers matters more, however how you use you tongue matters the most.
ohcheriecherie 20
I feel like a lot of guys have big dicks and just sort of stab, but not that many actually know how to use it at all. So, good job OP! A and ydi because this isn't an FML.
cupcakechick 17
no
GoodLookingGeese 10
I love The Game Small World!
heerrnia 5
No! No, anything but that
PincessBoff 6
Lion King reference number 106?! Yeah. I caught that shit. I'm obsessed with that movie. Whatcha gonna do 'bout it? :3
klutz44 28
109- good catch!
senor_awesome 14
This is just a guess, but 99 might have been answering 85's question.
simoncat 11
Thank you "Obvious Man."
cougar41 8
Lmfao
poccocurantes 7
glowing praise. you should feel ok about this OP.
iOceanus 18
It's one of those "happy, yet sad," moments.
sig4life 18
It is definitely an up and down moment. But keep in mind she is still with you so you have to be doing something right.
CaptainSaveAHoe 11
a happy sad moment like the joke where the guys wife says he has the biggest penis out of all of his friends?
kisecawchuck 11
90 Wait what?
iOceanus 18
116: The joke is that the wife/girlfriend is attempting to make her man happy and sad at the same time, so she says to him, "out of all of your friends, you have the biggest penis." It goes something like that.
Thatguy334 7
That sucks, but truth can hurt
happle 21
I don't think it's ever appropriate to tell a guy he has a small penis. I wouldn't want my boyfriend to tell me I have small boobs. :/
iOceanus 18
44: I agree, in both cases, although, boobs are enjoyable no matter the size! At least, in my opinion they are.
iBeCareless 7
Boobs are a great time.
Teyros 24
So is 4:20... Wait...
starflyer59 17
I agree with you 44. I was saying that when I read this to my husband. I could never imagine being this mean to someone.
staroftexas9 3
Oh please! He knows if its small just like a woman knows if her boobs are small!
happle 21
Some people have insecurities and see certain body parts differently than they really are. And people's personals can look smaller from their own point of view.
Alexweber929 14
Hey 44, im wierd, but I actually prefer small boobs
killmoose 5
You don't have the best tools, but you can still use them! Think about it, you won't be included in the people who aren't good at it
wlddog 14
I am confused how it even came up. Him;"Greetings and Salutations my girlfriend. What shall we discuss today?" Her;"Well, lets just keep it to a casual conversation today." Him;"No-problemo. We have the option to converse about weather, local sports, or my dick. You choose."
mb2_native 15
108, no. If you're anything like a normal person (I consider normal like me and ADHD) to talk about anything and if something popped in our head we would say it. Maybe it wasn't her who brought it up, and she was being honest. One of my buddies girlfriend told me he's hung like a horse but don't know how to use it..don't really know why she even thought to tell me that though -_-
wlddog 14
I used to be ADHD. But now I am no longer hyper. I still find time to read and start hobbies, but I never really know if she loves me. I tried to be nice but her pants just kept falling off. That is when I invented belts. They went from place to place.... And uh.... Did stuff together. Did you know I like pie? We have kids together now but they hate to eat their veggies.
mb2_native 15
138, teach me your ways. I cannot sit still :/ always moving yet so lazy haha bad legs so I can't really run everywhere like I used to haha. Pies are really good, but nothing can come close to pizza, damn that stuff is good haha
phatdaddy62 23
So you've got a teeny weenie. You've got the Ocean Motion!
killmoose 5
I like the ryme lol
Nekogami 14
So do I moose. Lol!
mb2_native 15
Teenie weenie haha, OP, if you're ever feeling down, go the the Guinness book of world records and look up worlds smallest dick, that should make you feel monstrous, or at least "manly-er". And as long as you don't have premature ejaculation to go along with that, your good OP, your good.
carry_on 19
A girl should NEVER criticise a guys penis, this sounds like an offhanded compliment though. You should just be happy she thinks that you do a good job!
Zestus 19
Exactly, after all, why can't we criticise their fannies?
notjanedoe 27
There are enough women out there who get told that their 'fannies' aren't pretty enough. Why do you think labiaplasty and vaginaplasty are a thing?
Pleonasm 36
Labiaplasty is not purely esthetic, I like to think that essentially the was a practical one, because people get discomfort and pinching during certain activities if they have enlarged labia. I know of a few people who had to get it done because of the pain experienced during horseback riding. So the procedures don't exist just for that reason.
Enslaved 38
I was wondering where this conversation was coming from because "fanny" means buttock in the USA not the female genitalia.
Pleonasm 36
In the UK, at least, fanny means ******.
Enslaved 38
Yep, and rubbers means erasers, right? I keep forgetting you're all the way over there. And not 'cause I'm self centered. :P
Pleonasm 36
Yep, rubbers means erasers ;) And saying "I could care less" doesn't mean anything over here, and irregardless isn't a word either ;)
Enslaved 38
It's "couldn't" care less. If you could care less that means there's room to care more. We all have stupid pet peeves.That's one of mine. Lol But it means nothing to you "over there".
notjanedoe 27
Quote: "A 2008 study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine reported that 32 per cent of women who underwent the procedure did so to correct a functional impairment; 31 per cent to correct a functional impairment and for aesthetic reasons; and 37 per cent for aesthetic reasons alone." I think that leaves enough women who undergo a risky procedure because they feel self conscious about it.
poccocurantes 7
Yes, but they generally don't enlarge them.
A7XCamaro 19
63, I like to view "I could care less" as meaning that I could care less, but I don't care enough to care less. Typically used as an insulting sort of thing.
JefftheRipper 9
Irregardless isn't a word here either.
laden_swallow09 35
Yeah. Only through repeatedly mistaken usage has "irregardless" forced its way into our dictionaries.
The_F3rris 11
We wont criticize your penises if you stop criticizing our boobs. Fair trade.
False_Stupidity 42
Irregardless IS a word which has been used since the early 20th century, it appears in multiple dictionaries and the fact that its origins may or may not have been due to repeated misuse is irrelevant as that's likely to be how any number of words got started.. language evolves.
storethis 17
Sounds like fair trade
ladylilly25 20
Bad news: your penis is small. Good news: you're semi-competent at using it. I think the good outweighs the bad here. Kinda.
igive 29
Well he could also been TOO big, which is also bad.
ICastillo 25
Yeah, but I don't think being "to big" would make any guy sad about his manhood.
doctorhook86 25
8: That "kinda" looks to be loaded. I recommend you lock up your wit before some innocent man stumbles upon it and hurts himself.
notjanedoe 27
She probably meant that in the nicest way possible. A small penis isn't something to be ashamed off, it's just genetics after all. Bad sex however is just not putting in enough effort. So yes, you really are ok.
Geary519 20
keep calm chive on
perdix 31
Just pretend that the guys with the big dicks don't know how to use them.
poccocurantes 7
He can never watch **** again if he does that. Except maybe girl girl action and that is only sans big toys.
sxychik 4
**** is all about acting.. they could completely suck at sex.
poccocurantes 7
This is true. There are no fluffers in real life. Shame though. :(