Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other, or so I thought. I heard her on the phone with her sister saying that I’m definitely the smallest dick she’s ever had, but the size of my bank account encourages her to overlook my shortcomings. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. He's been calling his penis "fun-sized" for a while now, but I didn't know he meant it really was the size of a fun-size candy bar. I'm pretty sure I'm still technically a virgin. FML
Today, my girlfriend lost her virginity. I still have mine, though. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I'd dated girls with smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML
Today, I learned that my insecurities regarding my dick size were unfounded, as my girlfriend gushed over my dick and said it was amazing. We then got down to business, and almost immediately heard, "Ow! Fuck, that's my cervix! This hurts! Stop!" FML
Today, I almost lost my virginity at the age of 34. After years of putting off sex and waiting for marriage, the moment arrived. My new wife could't stop laughing at how small I am. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered, "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML
Today, my girlfriend refered to her vagina as a meat wallet, and to my penis as small change. FML
Today, I noticed that my penis looks tiny in my girlfriend's hands. Without thinking, I pointed it out to her. Now she thinks I have a small cock, and I think she has man-hands. Either way, we're both turned off. FML
Today, I walked behind a girl I hooked up with last weekend while she was on the computer in the library. I noticed she was looking at my Facebook page and got excited. Then I heard her say to her friend, "This is the one with the smallest dick I've ever seen." FML
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Top comments
Mynxie 26
And that's when you leave and never look back. Don't stay with a gild digger. You deserve so much better.
Allie614032 34
Lie to her and tell her you just found out you have HIV. Scare her.
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Comments (33)
Mynxie 26
And that's when you leave and never look back. Don't stay with a gild digger. You deserve so much better.
Mynxie 26
*gold
jlc82 14
everyone that down voted you is a gold digger
5th_point_of_contact 8
I’m between putting the gold digging bitch in her place or just taking the high ground and not saying anything. Either way, you need to drop this chick like the bag of hammers that she is.
JasonThorn 23
Tell her you overheard what she said, that you're dumping here, and then tell her that's it not the size of your organ, it's because you're playing in a CATHEDRAL.
Moist_Nipples 7
I don’t get it.
Allie614032 34
Lie to her and tell her you just found out you have HIV. Scare her.
manb91uk 22
I cannot like this comment enough!!!
Luke16eirb7deneuwn1 20
Even though she is a gold digger I still think this is wrong...
Sinshine 28
I'd approve of this, but I'd also worry that could turn into a rumor spreading around.
Wintermelons 19
Love hate relationship with this comment, can’t condone it but... I won’t go after you if you do.
interesting33 37
seems extreme. what she did was utterly horrific though but I feel two wrongs don't make a right here and that is also a big thing to lie about. (although so was the virginity)
Rabite 28
Wtf is wrong with you?
interesting33 37
I mean you could make her worry she might die. That is cruel and extreme
Lobby_Bee 18
Pretend you didn't hear what she said, start banging her as much as you can while you go out and find another decent female being. Dump old one when new one is found.
Idream 7
That's the best way to deal with an idiot that she is.
Moxie Mettle 10
You dick might be short but her ****** is a gold mine. Better to know now.
StarkWolf_fml 23
now I ain't saying she a gold digger...
OhNoezz 10
There has never been a more appropriate comment.
Donut_Wizard 23
Doesn’t matter, had sex.
ekim300 26
I’m sorry OP, sucks that you lost your virginity to such a scumbag. At least you found out her true intentions and can end the relationship now. Keep lookong, I’m sure you’ll find someone worth your time.
RichardPencil 32
Short ... cummings? Even you can’t stop insulting you!