Today, my girlfriend jumped, naked, onto my computer desk, with the intention of having sex on it. A new, £250 computer desk, broken beyond repair. And we didn't even have sex. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She had such an uncontrollable, aggressive orgasm that I'd be celebrating my efforts, if only in the process she hadn't knocked over my new expensive laptop, which then split in half. FML
Today, I came home and saw my girlfriend on the computer. I decided to sex things up and sneak up on her naked from behind. Apparently, she was video-chatting with her friends at the time. They saw everything. FML
Today, I invited my new girlfriend over for the first time. My roommate thought it would be funny to go on a porn site on my computer and leave it up. She saw it, freaked out, slapped me, and left. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my place, looking drop dead gorgeous. However, she preferred the idea of sleeping, and here I am on my laptop. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Instead of having breakup sex, she tidied my room. She said it gave her more pleasure than any time we'd ever had sex. FML
Today, I bought a new computer. I gave my old one to my mother. After handing it over and going home, I realised I forgot to change the background picture, a naked photo of my girlfriend. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try cybersex, because we rarely see each other these days. We only used text. Halfway through, I noticed that she started being more demanding. As it turns out, my girlfriend had left the room and her older brother had walked in and taken over. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were sexting, and he asked me if I would be naked and waiting for him when he got home. When he told me he was on his way, I took my clothes off and got into bed. What he didn’t tell me was he was bringing friends to pick up a desk from our place for their office. FML
Today, my dad's new girlfriend's daughter came over with them. She had a tantrum because my brand new computer, which I worked and saved for, was better than her notebook, which was bought for her. So what did she do? Oh, she threw it off my desk. For some reason I'm being yelled at. FML
Today, I tried coming on to my fiancé. He just pushed me off and got out of bed, saying he wasn't in the mood. A half hour later, I caught him jerking off to several windows of porn. FML
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Top comments
marinja 0
apparenly your computer desk isn't the only thing that's 250 pounds...
xiambam 4
Eh, at least she had good intentions. : lol
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Comments (131)
fmh123 0
What you need to do next is jump on something valuable to her, naked, with the intention to bone . Maybe a pet cat?
nooseandnail 0
I died reading this.
DanizzleXFoSho 6
I laughed for 5 minutes straight...
freudianego 0
Her mother.
Ludaman44 0
Yeah, you can jump on her pussy!
loserboii 11
sue her and snack her no kidding just see if she can pay for it :)
kingston52 0
get a lighter bitch
CFR 0
Ummm...having issues with your definitions there? Let me help: Girlfriend [gúrl frènd] : A woman who is your companion, and is usually willing to give you sex because she loves/wants you. (As OP stated, this naked woman is a girlfriend, a very adventurous one by the sounds of it) Wife [wīf]: A woman a man (or another woman) marries with the intention of a lifetime commitment. Willing sex is usually there too. Bitch [bich]: 1: A female dog. 2: A slang term for a prostitute or a willing and/or complacent man. 3: A generally taboo term for a woman like me, that is not only a proud title but an insult referring to my temperament. =)
Luky_fml 0
wow, i am impressed by your ability to press the keys ctrl c and v we all knew what you meant before hand anyways
CFR 0
*rolls eyes* Actually I didn't copy and paste...believe it or not.
CFR 0
and #97 (assuming your comment doesn't disappear again), you'd know that if you looked up each of the words in a dictionary.
IUsed2 0
your. girlfriend. is. too. fat
shootingstar8D 0
She's fat
Mozart24 0
You are an idiot - the bigger picture is she wanted you to do her on a desk - to be different, spontaneous and adventurous. Itz a piece of FURNITURE, for ****'s sake! Get OVER it!
305alive 0
ydi for dating a fat ****** *****
MadeOfAwesome 1
So does your name mean that your computer has to go on your knees now, or your gf is going on her knees?
jemstone25 0
Um, if it's brand new, return it! Tell them it broke while you were putting it together and ask for your money back. 9 times out of 10 they'll do it. Unless of course your definition of brand new is last February.
Imawhalerider 0
did she yell "I'm a whale!" before jumping on the desk? She needs to be on WWE, they don't need fake props anymore.