Today, my girlfriend informed me that during the night, I shot up in bed and whimpered tearfully, "I don't have anything for the fancy-dress!" She also decided to share this with all our friends. I'm never going to live this down. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML
Today, while heading to the bathroom, I saw my girlfriend putting some lingerie under my bed. I stupidly thought it was for some sexy time later. Well, later on, she dramatically "found" the lingerie and broke up with me. Almost everyone believes her story and thinks I'm a dirty cheater. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke up in the middle of the night, crying. When I asked her why, she said that she had a dream where we were getting married. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I went to see a horror movie. It ended up scaring her so badly that she refused to leave our bed all night long, even to pee. I have to clean the mattress now. FML
Today, for some reason that is unknown to me, I accidentally referred to my girlfriend as "my ex-girlfriend." To her face. Needless to say, my statement became true afterwards. FML
Today, I spilled my guts to my girlfriend, saying I'm scared that all I do is upset her. I then had to sit through a speech about how upset she was that I hadn't told her sooner. FML
Today, I shat myself in front of my girlfriend's family, after drinking too much the previous night and waking up with major stomach problems. FML
Today, I was startled awake at 4am by a loud and awful sound. Completely serious, I asked my fiancé if he had just shit his pants. His response: giggles followed by a softly whispered "maybe". FML
Today, we had a great night out with my girlfriend and even won a costume contest together. I guess I wasn't the only one who had a great night, because when I got home I found that someone had robbed my apartment. FML
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Top comments
gear4 29
They're there, princess: >
gjikvtj 18
Go work on some cars and drink beer and do some sports stuff, regain some manliness Then buy the nicest pink dress at Dress Barn
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Comments (71)
gear4 29
They're there, princess: >
OysterPearls 33
Don't get your bloomers in a bunch OP, they'll forget all about it in time.
ZackCraft11 15
Why does that smile creep me out so much... It looks like it's staring into my soul :>
OysterPearls 33
A little ironic, considering your profile picture, don't you think?
Dramori 29
Hypocritical, not ironic.
jman26 11
It could've been worse
Roskosity 22
Right. At least you didn't sleep dress yourself too... Then you'd have picture evidence.
wondercat40 28
My friend spent the night once, and she was a sleep talker AND walker. In the middle of the night, she sleep-beaten my other friend with a teddy bear, muttering, "Get away, Doll Demon. Bad Doll!" She had NO clue that happened.
Freethaawave 19
According to my family & bf I ask a lot questions in my sleep.
incoherentrmblr 22
#30 in her sleep: "What's the meaning of life?..."
kingdomgirl94 29
I used to walk and talk in my sleep too. My fad cites the time I came downstairs, told him my brother stole my Digimon cards and then walked right back up the stairs. Guess I should be thankful that my dad isn't as easily spooked as me.
kendall123232 3
My little cousin (like 7 at the time) managed to sleep walk outside and get himself locked out. When he woke up it was cold, but he had enough sense to sleep in his moms unlocked car. My Aunt said she was never so scared in her life and now puts chairs in front of their doors at night. I suggested he wear a bell
hashshim 23
I often sleep text. I actually got a friend of mine really mad by texting her in my sleep and calling her names (most of which don't actually exist).
sweetprettykitty 10
Yes it could have been worse OP. I sometimes punch in my sleep so my bf stays on the far side of the bed lol I don't think your gf would've been too happy over that one Lol.
nightbirdblue 27
I've shaken my friend awake, went on a rant about some chocolate cereal (shaking her again if I thought she fell asleep), and then demanded that she bring me some of that cereal in my sleep. The only way my friend managed to get me to get me to calm down was to act like she was going to go get it for me. She was not pleased as it took her a half hour at around 4 in the morning to figure out that pretending was the way to get me to leave her alone so she could go back to sleep. I don't remember any of this.
SparkyRoxYurSox 16
Hah that's awesome.
gjikvtj 18
Go work on some cars and drink beer and do some sports stuff, regain some manliness Then buy the nicest pink dress at Dress Barn
Mauskau 36
The spot on your profile picture tricked me and I tried to clean my screen :(
sweetestbitcheva 14
Same here!
sunshineb81 16
Repressed desires perhaps OP?
LatvianPride 16
That`s hilarious..
wildcats909 9
Tim Gunn would be so proud.
ELoni_fml 25
Next time she'll do something embarrassing make sure you have a videocamera, it's good for a great bargaining position =P
Uglyfeet 23
Sleeptalking. It sucks, I know well
Bobalaba 8
He could redeem himself by saying the dress was for her, haha. ;P
weveallbeenthere 30
sleep talker, that's not good.