Today, my girlfriend and I were quite drunk while we were fooling around on the couch, when I decided I wanted to lose my virginity to her. I was two thrusts in when she burst out laughing. Looking down, I realized I was between her cheeks and the couch cushion. I lost my virginity to her couch. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend and I had gotten tipsy and found ourselves in the bedroom. We started to fool around and she leaned over to put her watch on the nightstand. I tried to undo her bra, which surprised her, because she elbowed me in the nose so hard that I ended up passing out from the pain. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex. I was a virgin and he wasn't. About 30 seconds in he collapsed on me. I thought he was joking around and I started laughing. He wasn't joking. He was done. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML
Today, I was laying with my girlfriend on the couch. I looked at her and said, "You're so beautiful. How did I ever get you?" She replied, "I was drunk." FML
Today, I lost my virginity, I think. Does it still count if she left halfway through, laughing? FML
Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML
Today, I met a really nice girl at a club, and we went back to my place. I was finally going to lose my virginity, but just as she started kissing me, I panicked and ended up fainting. When I came to, I was still clothed, and she was long gone. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate and planning on having sex for the first time. I picked her up off the couch, and in so doing, accidentally lifted her too high, putting her head through the ceiling. She had a mild concussion. FML
Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It lasted about 20 seconds, and he cried during it. I later heard him telling his friends he'd given me a "damn good pounding" and "made her cum 3 times". I wish. FML
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Top comments
macystar 14
Well, look on the bright side. Technically you're still a virgin. So she can still be your first.
TheAlchemist22 9
oh my god you poor soul
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Comments (95)
LinkandSaria 10
Lol there was 69 comments. oh wait. Now there's 70. Sorry OP
damnit1989 16
I can't decide if I should laugh, or cry for you. That sucks. But, you were drunk and it was your first time, so don't feel too bad. Just laugh it off with her.
Mortiz319 2
Hhh
telli164 30
That's pretty funny. But maybe it's just not the right time :)
codyswearingen 3
That's y ur a fag
Mumbo14 1
Haha Blue Mountain State anyone?
mosquito19 14
wow, are you dating the couch now?
spookspook 5
Blue Mountain state anyone? NEVERMIND he beat me to it crap
campincrunch34 12
This sounds like an episode of Blue Mountain State.
martin8337 36
You can't get the couch pregnant.