Today, my girlfriend and I were quite drunk while we were fooling around on the couch, when I decided I wanted to lose my virginity to her. I was two thrusts in when she burst out laughing. Looking down, I realized I was between her cheeks and the couch cushion. I lost my virginity to her couch. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend and I had gotten tipsy and found ourselves in the bedroom. We started to fool around and she leaned over to put her watch on the nightstand. I tried to undo her bra, which surprised her, because she elbowed me in the nose so hard that I ended up passing out from the pain. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex. I was a virgin and he wasn't. About 30 seconds in he collapsed on me. I thought he was joking around and I started laughing. He wasn't joking. He was done. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML
Today, I was laying with my girlfriend on the couch. I looked at her and said, "You're so beautiful. How did I ever get you?" She replied, "I was drunk." FML
Today, I lost my virginity, I think. Does it still count if she left halfway through, laughing? FML
Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML
Today, I met a really nice girl at a club, and we went back to my place. I was finally going to lose my virginity, but just as she started kissing me, I panicked and ended up fainting. When I came to, I was still clothed, and she was long gone. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate and planning on having sex for the first time. I picked her up off the couch, and in so doing, accidentally lifted her too high, putting her head through the ceiling. She had a mild concussion. FML
Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It lasted about 20 seconds, and he cried during it. I later heard him telling his friends he'd given me a "damn good pounding" and "made her cum 3 times". I wish. FML
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Top comments
macystar 14
Well, look on the bright side. Technically you're still a virgin. So she can still be your first.
TheAlchemist22 9
oh my god you poor soul
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Comments (95)
middlenamefrank 8
I can still remember, so many years ago, how surprised I was to find out it was actually a bit of a challenge to aim correctly when drunk. It's like a football player trying so hard to make a good play that he forgets to hold onto the ball. Gotta stay focused on the basics!
xThatOneWeirdGuy 18
That must be a very smooth couch. At least I hope.
GuiLD15 7
now you can decide while you're sober.
squarecircles 13
Sofa so good!
perdix 31
I come here looking for witty comments, but all I see are sofa-moric puns couched in sarcasm!
NodakN8V 25
There is just some things you shouldn't share with the world...this...being one of them.
sammyjo06 14
So wait...were you able to recover, or did you cum after only 2 thrusts XD? When I was going to lose my virginity, my guy started thrusting in the space between my thigh and the side of my pussy :X. Luckily, I was able to align it properly after that lol. It tickled, though XD.
DavidKnows 11
#62: Really! Who can shoot w only two strokes? Brings new meaning to premature ejaculation!
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
Don't forget to send the sofa flowers tomorrow morning!
softpink914 7
and your girl too lol
EvilLittleMan 23
Simply put OP, you are the Sofa King of Awesomeness !
graphicstyle7 17
You really should try this stuff sober. Also, you're still a virgin. Better luck next time!