Today, my girlfriend and I were quite drunk while we were fooling around on the couch, when I decided I wanted to lose my virginity to her. I was two thrusts in when she burst out laughing. Looking down, I realized I was between her cheeks and the couch cushion. I lost my virginity to her couch. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend and I had gotten tipsy and found ourselves in the bedroom. We started to fool around and she leaned over to put her watch on the nightstand. I tried to undo her bra, which surprised her, because she elbowed me in the nose so hard that I ended up passing out from the pain. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex. I was a virgin and he wasn't. About 30 seconds in he collapsed on me. I thought he was joking around and I started laughing. He wasn't joking. He was done. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML
Today, I was laying with my girlfriend on the couch. I looked at her and said, "You're so beautiful. How did I ever get you?" She replied, "I was drunk." FML
Today, I lost my virginity, I think. Does it still count if she left halfway through, laughing? FML
Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML
Today, I met a really nice girl at a club, and we went back to my place. I was finally going to lose my virginity, but just as she started kissing me, I panicked and ended up fainting. When I came to, I was still clothed, and she was long gone. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate and planning on having sex for the first time. I picked her up off the couch, and in so doing, accidentally lifted her too high, putting her head through the ceiling. She had a mild concussion. FML
Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It lasted about 20 seconds, and he cried during it. I later heard him telling his friends he'd given me a "damn good pounding" and "made her cum 3 times". I wish. FML
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Top comments
macystar 14
Well, look on the bright side. Technically you're still a virgin. So she can still be your first.
TheAlchemist22 9
oh my god you poor soul
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Comments (95)
olpally 33
Hahaha! Try doing it when you're both sober next time! :D you idiot. Lol.
meirginsburg18 10
If we are getting technical you lost your virginity to your hand a long time ago
luckyme143 13
poor couch..bet it wasn't expecting that lol
hemanx69x 0
This is a lie. Like most things on the internet. You stole this story from blue mountain state the TV show. Alex ****** a couch when he was younger. Admitted it to his teammates
Warmonger_Smurf 29
Well let's hope you don't knock up the couch and end up having a love seat.
perdix 31
So, the first time you had sex, you cheated on your girlfriend right on front of her face? This is not going to end well.
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
He didn't cheat! He had a threesome!
Ashamed_Sister 60
I don't think this counts as having sex.
WeirdQueer 8
At least it makes for a funny first time story!
W_Hoopkins 3
Sounds like Alex Moran from BMS
DLT_fml 20
It makes me Thad that they stopped making that show.
israelnotjacob 20
The fact that you couldn't even figure out that you weren't actually inside tells me you're too young to be having sex in the first place. Getting in especially on your first time isn't always easy, but the feeling is pretty hard to confuse.
ChibiChibi_fml 28
"Quite Drunk" Age has nothing to do with the fact that alcohol numbs your senses quite a bit. He felt tightness and pleasant sensation, that was all his drunken self needed. Plus while wearing a condom while drunk there is no reason to expect a virgin to be able to feel the difference between inside of her, and rubbing between her ass cheeks. If he had been sober it would have been more of an unreasonable mistake that might indicate that he wasn't ready for sex. While drunk his senses as well as his inhibitions have been impaired and he doesn't have any previous experience to compare to, to tell him how it should feel.