Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, with whom I am genuinely in love. Right after I'd got the condom on, she said, "You do know this is break-up sex, right?" FML
Today, my girlfriend of two years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Today, as things were getting hot with my girlfriend, it came up that I'm a virgin. She broke up with me. FML
Today, I went all the way for the first time with my girlfriend. After I had finished, she asked me, "What just happened? Was that sex?" I wasn't sure either. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML
Today, I was messing with my boyfriend in my basement. We are both virgins and he wanted to perform oral sex on me for the first time. Naked, we finally decided to try to have sex. We discovered the act is much harder than it may seem. We're both still virgins. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. He was so nervous, he broke down in tears after failing to unclasp my bra after multiple fumbling attempts. Mood? Ruined. FML
Today, I finally had sex, but I busted up her cervix, and now we are at the hospital. It was my first time, and now I don’t want to have sex again. FML
Today, after having had sex with my girlfriend for the first time the night before, she went to the doctor. He said she's still physically a virgin. FML
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Top comments
fudgepirate 0
be happy that u have a big dick!! many guys would be jealous!
FistFightingJesu 0
say "bitch relax, we'll make it fit."
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Comments (349)
wrgfml 0
Bummer, you scared her with your size! As you go through life, most of your lovers will like it. and this story will become funnier and funnier!
ilovejeland 0
this is hilarious...big ups to you for not having a millimeter Peter !
ensfast 0
the kids name isn't peter
yourdumbbb 0
lmaooooooo relax pal, it's okay to lie to yourself and say it's big. but when you start lying to others that it's big now that's just rude.
rockarolln89 0
next time just lube it up, and hammer away. you'll never hear that again.
geepc 3
maybe you both have some room to mature before you do it
yourdumbbb 0
maybe you should get on your knees
sammyhell 0
Maybe op is the son of Wolverine and spikes come out of his ****!
hghiPigh 0
and? what's your point.. ? that you have a big dick?
jamjelly386 5
Come on bro, that just means you're huge. Be proud and flop it on her shoulder or something
keenster 0
hey, it's not a bad thing to be well endowed
pfunk129 1
exaggerate much?