Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, with whom I am genuinely in love. Right after I'd got the condom on, she said, "You do know this is break-up sex, right?" FML
Today, my girlfriend of two years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Today, as things were getting hot with my girlfriend, it came up that I'm a virgin. She broke up with me. FML
Today, I went all the way for the first time with my girlfriend. After I had finished, she asked me, "What just happened? Was that sex?" I wasn't sure either. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML
Today, I was messing with my boyfriend in my basement. We are both virgins and he wanted to perform oral sex on me for the first time. Naked, we finally decided to try to have sex. We discovered the act is much harder than it may seem. We're both still virgins. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. He was so nervous, he broke down in tears after failing to unclasp my bra after multiple fumbling attempts. Mood? Ruined. FML
Today, I finally had sex, but I busted up her cervix, and now we are at the hospital. It was my first time, and now I don’t want to have sex again. FML
Today, after having had sex with my girlfriend for the first time the night before, she went to the doctor. He said she's still physically a virgin. FML
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Top comments
fudgepirate 0
be happy that u have a big dick!! many guys would be jealous!
FistFightingJesu 0
say "bitch relax, we'll make it fit."
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Comments (349)
roydawgg 3
you virgins need to read your magazines before automatically screwing. lubricant makes it much more comfortable for her so she doesn't regret her first time and just remember the pain like most remember their first time
Shinygirlnz 1
Can anybody understand chetchatter (#70)? I think it might be having a seisure on the keyboard.
teamsleep222 0
lube
schalk 12
... if foreplay fails. Jesus why not start with a kiss?
RedPillSucks 33
She's not having sex with Jesus.
sadaffy 0
hahaha
Suavis 4
well he is going to 'break' something if she's a virgin amiright?
Slinkydalatg 6
That's because you are Franken-****!!!
Shadow_Phantom 26
Agreeing with #21 here... Also FYL dude.
DropDead77 11
fyl but take the compliment
rachelleg 0
I said the exact same thing to my now hubby the 1 st time we went to sleep together!! nothing a good bottle of lube didn't fix grease her and yourself up and tell her to enjoy lol
Morrii 0
you could always say "at least I didn't try a rear assault"