Today, my girlfriend and I started fighting. Instead of arguing for herself, she decided to set her puppy on me. Only "Puppy" is the name of her fully-grown police-trained German Shepherd. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, my dog is much too fond of barking at me loudly and at length for no reason. So is my girlfriend. FML
Today, I found out that sometimes when my girlfriend is mad at me she will allow our unfixed male dog to jack off on my pillows when I'm at work. She won the battle and the war. FML
Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along. Everytime I touched her, her jealous male dog began to bark and tried to bite me. FML
Today, my fully grown, 90-pound German Shepherd sniffed and wagged his tail as a guy mugged me. FML
Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML
Today, I was playing with my dog, teasing her, to cheer myself up after being dumped by my girlfriend. My dog bit me hard and I had to go to hospital. The dog has to be put down. FML
Today, my girlfriend went on yet another long-winded rant about how dogs are family and should be treated as such, whilst stuffing her face with ribs. I asked her what the difference was between a dog and the pile of pig parts on her plate. Her only response was to call me a monster and dump me. FML
Today, my girlfriend canceled our date I've been looking forward to all week because her dog was having puppies. She doesn't have a dog. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Welshite 40
I call my tiger "kitten". Makes him even more adorable.
pwnman 33
Not only she is a bad girlfriend, it is needless to say that she is a bad dog owner.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (166)
MidnaLink 35
Quel Surprise. Cowardly bitch can't fight her own battles.
chanelvander 7
That's a little harsh...what, because she's a girl?
Alihb 16
111 You'd make everyone a little happier if you'd shut up
chanelvander 7
I'm sorry you feel that way. All I was saying was that it was it seemed a little rude to call her a bitch and say she couldn't fight her own battles.
w_introuble 25
135 - obviously she can't fight her own battles considering she set the dog on him. It has got nothing to do with the fact that she's a girl. I hate girls who try and make it look like a girl is always the victim. This time op was the one who could get seriously hurt! So i'll go and say that @11 was right, very harsh, but she's definitely a bitch.
chanelvander 7
What? I never said it was okay because she was a girl. I was saying it seemed like the other poster was saying it wasn't surprising that she couldn't fight her own battles, BECAUSE she was a girl. As you can see above in an earlier post, I am very much against people using dogs as weapons.
MidnaLink 35
No. W_introuble had it spot on. I was just being blunt.
hutch66 13
I'm sure you didn't paws while trying to flea from that situation!
ocampo 6
bet that's the last time you argue with her when she's near puppy
chanelvander 7
Your comment makes it seem as though you think her response was acceptable...no one should ever use a dog as a threat or retaliation in an argument.
Bryanb1306 13
I hope you dumped her ass.
gracehi 33
DUMPED??? I hope he called the cops on her ass. Her relationship status should be the least of her worries at this point.
TheBrochure 22
I hope he dumped the rest of her, as well.
NocturnalCro 14
Now she can argue with police why her trained to attack dog attacked you. She must like to argue.
worldclassrager 41
Looks like you need a something to stick on her...maybe you could get her dog to turn on her...low possibility... Either way dog or not you should know she wins...
perdix 31
You should sic your goldfish on them. Of course, your goldfish is a Sharknado.
Hutch1965 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Or, more likely, you provoked the dog by yelling and acting aggressively towards its owner. Serves you right, dude.
jmcr 27
Well we dont know for sure about that seeing as we only have OPs side about the argument
ghostanimal 8
Police dogs are generally trained to not attack unless it's on command. They're very well behaved dogs. A security guard dog would be another story.
KB616 11
Dumb ass.
iwadasn 33
If the fight escalated to the point where she thought she needed a police dog to protect herself, YDI.
Zomg_Okay 27
Or maybe she over-reacted and/or is crazy. There are more possibilities than just "OP was being threatening", you know.
thejimler 9
I think 'argument' is what OP meant in that they weren't having a physical conflict. And sexist mode here, but women are more likely than men to resort to underhanded methods in order to win petty conflicts, such as getting bigger guys to assault their victim, destroying personal property, spreading slanderous rumors, and fabricating false accusations of rape.
grimrepa2007 3
your a special kind of stupid aren't you.
iwadasn 33
Well, *you're* apparently too stupid to insult me correctly. And notice I said "if" in my original comment, meaning I realize that's not the only possibility. IF that isn't the case, then the OP obviously doesn't deserve it.
CharresBarkrey 16
The biggest of facepalms to you, 57. Good day.
Jacked97grand 9
Your comment doesn't make any sense, dumbass
iwadasn 33
Read my second comment and you'll see that it does.
tommygunkid 4
Hahaha no you are definitely using "if" to imply that the scenario you proposed is what happened, not just one of the many possibilities. If that were the case you wouldn't have just told OP he deserved getting attacked
archos58 10
Sounds like attempted murder