Today, my girlfriend and I started fighting. Instead of arguing for herself, she decided to set her puppy on me. Only "Puppy" is the name of her fully-grown police-trained German Shepherd. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, my dog is much too fond of barking at me loudly and at length for no reason. So is my girlfriend. FML
Today, I found out that sometimes when my girlfriend is mad at me she will allow our unfixed male dog to jack off on my pillows when I'm at work. She won the battle and the war. FML
Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along. Everytime I touched her, her jealous male dog began to bark and tried to bite me. FML
Today, my fully grown, 90-pound German Shepherd sniffed and wagged his tail as a guy mugged me. FML
Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML
Today, I was playing with my dog, teasing her, to cheer myself up after being dumped by my girlfriend. My dog bit me hard and I had to go to hospital. The dog has to be put down. FML
Today, my girlfriend went on yet another long-winded rant about how dogs are family and should be treated as such, whilst stuffing her face with ribs. I asked her what the difference was between a dog and the pile of pig parts on her plate. Her only response was to call me a monster and dump me. FML
Today, my girlfriend canceled our date I've been looking forward to all week because her dog was having puppies. She doesn't have a dog. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
I call my tiger "kitten". Makes him even more adorable.
pwnman 33
Not only she is a bad girlfriend, it is needless to say that she is a bad dog owner.
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Comments (166)
Welshite 40
I call my tiger "kitten". Makes him even more adorable.
DividableByZero 11
Mike Tyson? Is that you?
Welshite 40
OMG #22! I was supposed to stay anonymous!
ManInTheMachine 20
But you dont have a lithp when you type. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE ANYMORE! *runs away crying*
TheCanucklehead 22
I call my elephant shirty. He's so cute when be runs in my yard
TheCanucklehead 22
*shorty
yourmurderscenex 13
I liked shirty better. just picturing an elephant in a shirt makes my day.
Warmonger_Smurf 29
I put a red shirt on my Grizzly bear and call him pooh.
queerdragon 20
I suppose you call all the children he eats "honey".
martin8337 36
Why would a bear be named after doo doo?
horne2 9
What I'm wonderinging is how she just "set" her.fully grown German shepard on his lap.
Warmonger_Smurf 29
I'm not sure if 95 is being sarcastic, or had a poor childhood.
PossiblyInDanger 24
#96, he means she sent Puppy after him. As in, to chase and attack him.
hessel 13
95 is probally 11 or 12
Llama_Face89 34
96- I think this one went over your head...
ghostanimal 8
Ouch. :/ My best friend's dad has a police officer dog. They bite HARD, and they can be vicious. That's terrible, it could have really sent you to the hospital
lopsop 12
I had a police trained dog once! That little crazy bastard was the best.
apache316 6
#33 I don't always get pets but when I do I make sure that it is a crazy bastard police trained dog
esines 9
Shit, if it was bad enough I'd press charges on that crazy bitch. Might sound harsh but he could have gotten hurt really bad over something as trivial as an argument...
CallMeMcFeelii 14
Yeah but then "Puppy" would get put down just because his owners a ******* bitch. I'm all for getting her into some shit, but the dog did what it was told to do. It doesn't know any better, but she sure as hell does. Poor dog.,
chanelvander 7
This! A lot of dogs are unfortunately victims of owners thinking that the dog is their puppet and hence being out down when they themselves did nothing wrong.
esines 9
Good point 81. She should face some sort of consequences but that'd be shitty to have the dog put down just for doin what it was trained to do. Op should definitely atleast break up with her
SymphonyGrrl 12
I hope she's your ex girlfriends now dude!
SymphonyGrrl 12
*girlfriend
evilplatypus 39
Normally those "dump her/him" comments grate on my nerves because of how quickly people jump to that decision, but I think this situation truly warrants it. Dump her, OP!
pwnman 33
Not only she is a bad girlfriend, it is needless to say that she is a bad dog owner.
amberlyyyy 15
And the poor dog doesn't know any better!
asherm 15
Very immature and dangerous!
shaww 28
Who let the dogs out?
FMLkoala 28
Who who who who
Blaphlafagus 19
His girlfriend
naya_bingi 11
Wow. I always thought the chorus said "woof woof woof woof". No one ever corrected me. Damn it,
laden_swallow09 35
99- I'm sure that chorus was intentionally written to resemble woofing. Don't feel bad. :)
Cheezes 7
Who let the dogs out? She did. But seriously, there are laws, and that is assault.
swordidfate 13
Assault with a deadly weapon actually
angelitared 27
Puppy attack dumb ass!! Good boy!!
iAlissa 34
Oh shut up
onaa3r 10
IAlyssa used reply. It was super effective!
NotGabe 28
So did Puppy hump your leg into submission?
lesley3r3 22
Looool best comment!
NoMore_CoolNames 14
18- Isn't there a button for that?
Catkam623 27
For best comment/winning the Internet sadly no
brave_josh 9
And I need to teach my miniature schnauzer to sic people
bunny911 16
A mini schnauzer is the first dog that ever bit me. All because I was playing with "his" kid. He thought I was trying to hurt the kid.
esines 9
The first one that bit me was a bulldog. And it was in the balls. The sight of ripped shorts with blood on it is something nobody ever wants to see
Miss_Klutzie 28
Damn...coming from a girl..I hope you're not still with her ._.
Dynosaur_dollie 38
And your gender is relevant why? Doesn't matter what gender you are, it's fairly common sense that no one should stay with someone who uses their dog to cause harm rather than verbally communicate their issues.
Obey_StudBoii 23
#10 Your comment is irrelevant.
martin8337 36
I agree.