Today, my girlfriend and I started fighting. Instead of arguing for herself, she decided to set her puppy on me. Only "Puppy" is the name of her fully-grown police-trained German Shepherd. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, my dog is much too fond of barking at me loudly and at length for no reason. So is my girlfriend. FML
Today, I found out that sometimes when my girlfriend is mad at me she will allow our unfixed male dog to jack off on my pillows when I'm at work. She won the battle and the war. FML
Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along. Everytime I touched her, her jealous male dog began to bark and tried to bite me. FML
Today, my fully grown, 90-pound German Shepherd sniffed and wagged his tail as a guy mugged me. FML
Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML
Today, I was playing with my dog, teasing her, to cheer myself up after being dumped by my girlfriend. My dog bit me hard and I had to go to hospital. The dog has to be put down. FML
Today, my girlfriend went on yet another long-winded rant about how dogs are family and should be treated as such, whilst stuffing her face with ribs. I asked her what the difference was between a dog and the pile of pig parts on her plate. Her only response was to call me a monster and dump me. FML
Today, my girlfriend canceled our date I've been looking forward to all week because her dog was having puppies. She doesn't have a dog. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
I call my tiger "kitten". Makes him even more adorable.
pwnman 33
Not only she is a bad girlfriend, it is needless to say that she is a bad dog owner.
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Comments (166)
TheFinnishFlash 5
Which one of u barked louder?
sleepy123sleepy 3
You got yourself a keeper there
Lemonmonger 4
I'm surprised that some people want the dog put down because it followed the command of it's **** owner.
ZombieSazza 34
#145, these idiots just aren't aware these dogs are highly trained that when a command word is uttered they act, they think its entirely the dogs fault when actually it's the owner.
ZombieSazza 34
You mean ex-girlfriend, right??
MikeRulz 15
Shes a total bitch. FYL
KingreX32 21
LOLOLOL I didn't see that coming.
tommygunkid 4
So did she call it off after a bit or did you manage to somehow dispatch the dog?
lrak 6
Obviously leave her if its come to that, and she's responsible for any damages and or harm the dog would have done.
_duchess 3
Pretty sure siccing a fully trained death machine on four legs on somebody is like attempted murder that thing could've ripped your pancreas out. Doubt somebody would do that over an argument, doubt even more you would just let it slide like this.
doglover100 29
Makes me wonder if she got a dog so she can use him as her own personal attack dog.