Today, my girlfriend and I started fighting. Instead of arguing for herself, she decided to set her puppy on me. Only "Puppy" is the name of her fully-grown police-trained German Shepherd. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, my dog is much too fond of barking at me loudly and at length for no reason. So is my girlfriend. FML
Today, I found out that sometimes when my girlfriend is mad at me she will allow our unfixed male dog to jack off on my pillows when I'm at work. She won the battle and the war. FML
Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along. Everytime I touched her, her jealous male dog began to bark and tried to bite me. FML
Today, my fully grown, 90-pound German Shepherd sniffed and wagged his tail as a guy mugged me. FML
Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML
Today, I was playing with my dog, teasing her, to cheer myself up after being dumped by my girlfriend. My dog bit me hard and I had to go to hospital. The dog has to be put down. FML
Today, my girlfriend went on yet another long-winded rant about how dogs are family and should be treated as such, whilst stuffing her face with ribs. I asked her what the difference was between a dog and the pile of pig parts on her plate. Her only response was to call me a monster and dump me. FML
Today, my girlfriend canceled our date I've been looking forward to all week because her dog was having puppies. She doesn't have a dog. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
I call my tiger "kitten". Makes him even more adorable.
pwnman 33
Not only she is a bad girlfriend, it is needless to say that she is a bad dog owner.
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Comments (166)
skyeyez9 25
A police trained dog costs about $50,000. They are crazy expensive.
tommygunkid 4
Most likely retired I would say
flashback_fml 14
Lol i would've shot the dog, so i wouldn't use this as a go to move if you care about your dog.
Poetaster 10
Hi puppy... Meet my little friend!! "Boom!!"
Flashman9000 9
Go to the police and have the dog put to sleep. Its obviously dangerous.
rfid_fml 13
No, the dog was doing what it was trained to do. Maybe the owner should be put down.
mjbehnen 7
Why does she have a German Shepherd thats police trained? Doesnt make sense
blackwidowtaco 31
More than likely for protection.
ghostanimal 8
She could be a police officer or one of her parents are. If she's a police officer, I'd be afraid. Police dogs are expensive, not many would just have one.
greggly123 6
Wait why does your girlfriend have a German shepherd trained as a police dog?
stormchaser24 24
I can't decide on this, we don't know the full story. Like others have said, OP could have threaten her or something and she had the dog attack. Or OPs girlfriend could be one of those cops who always uses more force than needed.
ball_crusher 4
common sense tells us that there is likely more to this story.
ball_crusher 4
"but you really think OP would post this if he was being abusive?" because nobody has ever written an FML to make themselves appear to be the victim in the situation. nope, not ever!
ball_crusher 4
you sound a little defensive. all I did was acknowledge the fact that this guy could very well be lying. IRL domestic abusers do it ALL the time. they beat their wives, the wives fight back, and all of a sudden it's "she just attacked me!" where the **** have you been, and why is it so horrifying to you that I'm not accepting OP's story without question? did I write "HE'S LYING!!!!111" somewhere and forget about it? do point such a thing out.
lostribe 3
I love a dog that's got your back.
hannah_shore23 4
Something makes me wonder if you wrote that FML from thw hospital...
Elong8600 9
I refer to my man-eating lion as Cutie-Pie