Today, my girlfriend and I started fighting. Instead of arguing for herself, she decided to set her puppy on me. Only "Puppy" is the name of her fully-grown police-trained German Shepherd. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, my dog is much too fond of barking at me loudly and at length for no reason. So is my girlfriend. FML
Today, I found out that sometimes when my girlfriend is mad at me she will allow our unfixed male dog to jack off on my pillows when I'm at work. She won the battle and the war. FML
Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along. Everytime I touched her, her jealous male dog began to bark and tried to bite me. FML
Today, my fully grown, 90-pound German Shepherd sniffed and wagged his tail as a guy mugged me. FML
Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML
Today, I was playing with my dog, teasing her, to cheer myself up after being dumped by my girlfriend. My dog bit me hard and I had to go to hospital. The dog has to be put down. FML
Today, my girlfriend went on yet another long-winded rant about how dogs are family and should be treated as such, whilst stuffing her face with ribs. I asked her what the difference was between a dog and the pile of pig parts on her plate. Her only response was to call me a monster and dump me. FML
Today, my girlfriend canceled our date I've been looking forward to all week because her dog was having puppies. She doesn't have a dog. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Welshite 40
I call my tiger "kitten". Makes him even more adorable.
pwnman 33
Not only she is a bad girlfriend, it is needless to say that she is a bad dog owner.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (166)
griffy14 9
Actually she shouldn't have done that. If you file a police report that dog could actually be put down for that if its proven that she wasn't using it for self defense or she could have the dog taken from her and be charged with assault with a deadly weapon. I feel bad for the dog.
Awahso 25
She is a nutso but putting the dog down for following a command would be so wrong
gracehi 33
I don't find this funny at all. That is physical abuse and your girlfriend should be in jail.
ratorr2 23
I agree, that is an assault and a misuse of a trained dog. She's a bad pet owner and a bad looser. I wouldn't keep an abusive girlfriend like that around. Find someone with a good head on her shoulders.
cristy91 33
So did the argument get physical or was there a threat for it to turn that way? In all honesty, if an argument I'm having was going to end with me getting punched in the face, I would send my "puppy" out too. If she just did that because she doesn't take losing well, you need to either switch that dog out for a turtle or maybe get some relationship counseling on effective conflict resolution. Best of luck!
Sir_drink_alot 20
Someone has clearly never seen a turtle angry before :)
FlashOfHope 10
I have...that ****** chased me all the way to my house. Didn't know what it was till later, but it taught me not to go out of the wayto help a turtle across the road. Them alligator snappers are the worst!
TheDistance567 10
I would like to assume that OP was not being threatening in any way although it is distinct possibility that he was. Or his girlfriend could be crazy. You never know. My first ex was nuts. We got into a completely and 100% verbal argument and I called her crazy. She just looked at me and screamed "Do you wanna see how crazy I really am?" before she stormed into the kitchen and grabbed the largest kitchen knife she could find. That ended with me grabbing the knife from her hand. To this day I don't know what she was going to do with that knife. Needless to say that was the end of the relationship.
crazytwinsmom 25
At least it wasn't a pitbull!
cristy91 33
They don't have super dog strength, their jaws don't lock, they're normal dogs with a bad stigma. It might seem silly, but don't fuel the myth and make them worse than they are. Thanks
yourmurderscenex 13
Thank you person above me. people need to learn about dog breeds.
FlashOfHope 10
Pits are amazing animals. Look up your history. Every so many years a new dog is chosen to be the new breed to attack. I've been around pits my whole life. I've never had one attack for no reason. The only one I did see bite...that brat had it coming. Colby was chained outside while everyone was out of the house. EVERYDAY this kid came by and pelted him with rocks. After a year or so Colby broke his chain and bit the kids rear. And really...any dog would bite at that point. So let's just go ahead and blame beagles next. Cute but deadly.
Shadowbay 18
I was almost killed by a blue heeler when I was little doesn't matter what breed it is. My cousins pit was one of the most lovable dogs on the planet and my friends chihuahua will bite you just for look in at him...
skyeyez9 25
There is a youtube video on dog bite/attack techniques. A pitbull's bite wasn't the strongest. The mastiff's bite was, by alot. The police trained dog was the scariest though. Literally tackled the suspect like a linebacker, at a full sprint. Leaped into the air and took the guy down hard by his shoulder. The mastiff used its weight to stand on the guy and bite him, so he couldn't get away.
rfid_fml 13
Most pits would rather have their happy, shit-eating grin, trying to get love everything, and everyone, then be vicious. You fail at dogs
crazytwinsmom 25
Apparently, I fail at sarcasm. I guess I needed to put LOL.
skyeyez9 25
Pits although I have nothing against them, I wouldn't have one as a pet. They are high energy dogs and I personally prefer a more laid back type of breed. Every one I seen is practically bouncing off the walls they are so hyper.
nature_girl_08 14
skyeyez9, I don't blame you there! I love pits to death, but they have way too much energy for me! The amazing thing is that breeds of pit bull are, or have been in the past, listed as one of the top family-friendly breeds by the American Kennel Club. Small breeds like beagles are listed as more likely to bite than pit bulls. It would be great if people would do their research instead of condemning an entire breed for something they have no control over. Also note that pit bulls are not a single breed of dog at all; it consists of several breeds of dogs.
nature_girl_08 14
Took too long in editing my comment, but I wanted to note that the AKC doesn't list beagles as more likely to bite than pit bull breeds; I simply used them as an example of a small breed.
Mk98Mod4 11
Next time you'll have dinner ready for her when she gets home and rub her feet while she watches TV.
oopsfail 11
Get'em boy!
Dodge4x4Ram 46
aww my favorite type of dog
CrazyItalian90x 7
Any injuries? You can get that dog put down for her stupidity. Dumb b*tch, like others have said, hope she's your ex now.
IamFootScum 5
Lol, that's not ******* revenge, that's just plain despicable. Stupid ******* thing to say.
rackmill 11
Wow that must be roof!
sonnyrosa 32
Swing and a miss... I think you might have been going for "ruff"