Today, my girlfriend and I started fighting. Instead of arguing for herself, she decided to set her puppy on me. Only "Puppy" is the name of her fully-grown police-trained German Shepherd. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, my dog is much too fond of barking at me loudly and at length for no reason. So is my girlfriend. FML
Today, I found out that sometimes when my girlfriend is mad at me she will allow our unfixed male dog to jack off on my pillows when I'm at work. She won the battle and the war. FML
Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along. Everytime I touched her, her jealous male dog began to bark and tried to bite me. FML
Today, my fully grown, 90-pound German Shepherd sniffed and wagged his tail as a guy mugged me. FML
Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML
Today, I was playing with my dog, teasing her, to cheer myself up after being dumped by my girlfriend. My dog bit me hard and I had to go to hospital. The dog has to be put down. FML
Today, my girlfriend went on yet another long-winded rant about how dogs are family and should be treated as such, whilst stuffing her face with ribs. I asked her what the difference was between a dog and the pile of pig parts on her plate. Her only response was to call me a monster and dump me. FML
Today, my girlfriend canceled our date I've been looking forward to all week because her dog was having puppies. She doesn't have a dog. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
I call my tiger "kitten". Makes him even more adorable.
pwnman 33
Not only she is a bad girlfriend, it is needless to say that she is a bad dog owner.
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Comments (166)
ashannmcclam 7
ouch guess that's gonna be the last argument u ever have with her...
RamiUSMC 9
sue her OP!now its time for you to get the money back from those dates!lol
onorexveritas 24
that's bad ass
LeDaniel 9
wow. what a psycho. I hope you mean your ex
psycheiris13 20
Wow, it's too bad that you don't have a girlfriend who is willing to resolve her problems with you maturely.
catanita 18
Are you OK ?
LittleAlpaca 9
Are you gonna' sue ?
f2_fml 8
not only do i sincerely hope that she is now your ex-girlfriend....because holy god....not only is she the most spineless, cowardly immature woman i have had the displeasure to read about, but what she did is, in most places, something you should seriously sue against, if you sustained real injuries ( which i hope you didn't) and unfortunately if you do file a case...her dog will be put down because it's owner is an immature little shit.....pardon my language....i know what i am saying is very harsh and based solely uplon a short paragraph...bu....really...this annoyed me
Shade1982 21
Luckily they don't do that anymore everywhere unless someone can proof the dog is beyond help. Unfortunately, most of the time, they will believe anyone, but if op is willing to testify it wasn't the dogs fault, there may be a chance to save the dog at least. The girlfriend, nah, don't really care...
Dusty_Busters 15
Crazy bitch
Euronymous93 29
Hopefully OP is now single. He doesn't deserve a bitch like her.
metreman 19
wow your girlfriend sounds barking mad