Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I hit her. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML
Today, my wife has a bruise on her cheek from a nasty trip while practicing her yoga. She now thinks it's hilarious to flinch in public when I get near her, and keeps telling people she "walked into a door". I've gotten more dirty looks than I can count. FML
Today, I accidentally gave myself a black eye. I would laugh about it if my friends didn't start suspecting that my husband is abusing me, and won't listen when I try to explain what really happened. FML
Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML
Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating, so she smashed me in the head with her handbag so hard my eyeball is red from a burst blood vessel. I followed her home, where she tried to pretend she knew nothing, it wasn’t her I'd seen, she’d been home all day. I had to get the cops to drag her out my house. FML
Today, I confessed to cheating to my girlfriend. She decided to go up to the girl and ask her about it. The girl denied it and said she didn't even know me. My girlfriend walked up to me, called me a liar and punched me in the face. FML
Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML
Today, I have two black eyes. The first one I got from the girl whose ass I mistakenly grabbed at a party last night. The other one I got from my girlfriend when I explained the first one. FML
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Top comments
Mirorbo 27
I would feel sorry for the poor dear if she didn't make such a shallow excuse.
Mikeymikey 4
well there's only one thing left to do!!! Give her another black eye 0_o
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Comments (124)
HeroOfMi 0
and people believed her? ninjas don't leave evidence...
lostsoul1715 0
That sux for you. I would dump her!!!!
Drummer389000 0
leave the bitch.
Awabo 0
If it's so easy for her to come up with lies like you beat her, it seems that she could be capable of formulating something worse with relative ease.
higgy6969 7
might as well play along next time you are getting coffee or whatever let her go in first then follow in about three minutes later yelling at her to get her ass in the car or she's going to get more of the same
cmatthewf 0
lol OP are you Connor???
Eric_Cartman 0
49 for the win!
youngrob 0
dump that hoe
OddHatter 0
That is terrible! I hope tomorrow we see something like: "Yesterday I walked into a door and gave myself a black eye. Feeling embarrassed, I said my boyfriend did it. Today I'm looking for a new boyfriend to blame. FML as I'm a miserable twat."
PMS_Queen 2
OMFG. This post is not even funny. This is just like when stupid girls say, "I'm pregnant," and they're not, or something equally fake because they're attention ****** and will say anything to anyone. And, as always, there is always someone dumb enough (or, in this case, in high enough authority) to take matters seriously, and BAAM! your arse is up on assault charges. As a domestic violence survivor myself, I would never consider saying something like that, for attention or otherwise. It sounds suspiciously like she's crying wolf.....but, if she does this enough, if it ever really does happen, maybe no one will believe her. Maybe she likes that kind of stuff? "Like it rough", I mean. ??? In either case, you're better off hitting the road. Do you live with her? You could get socked with domestic violence charges, as opposed to just assault charges. No need for a felony that you're not guilty of. Seriously. Leave her ass. I hate women who pull this crap. Makes the rest of us look bad, or worse, just like them. I'm not going to wish actual violence on her.......a nice case of herpes shall do. Stupid girls like that make me so mad.