Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I hit her. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML
Today, my wife has a bruise on her cheek from a nasty trip while practicing her yoga. She now thinks it's hilarious to flinch in public when I get near her, and keeps telling people she "walked into a door". I've gotten more dirty looks than I can count. FML
Today, I accidentally gave myself a black eye. I would laugh about it if my friends didn't start suspecting that my husband is abusing me, and won't listen when I try to explain what really happened. FML
Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML
Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating, so she smashed me in the head with her handbag so hard my eyeball is red from a burst blood vessel. I followed her home, where she tried to pretend she knew nothing, it wasn’t her I'd seen, she’d been home all day. I had to get the cops to drag her out my house. FML
Today, I confessed to cheating to my girlfriend. She decided to go up to the girl and ask her about it. The girl denied it and said she didn't even know me. My girlfriend walked up to me, called me a liar and punched me in the face. FML
Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML
Today, I have two black eyes. The first one I got from the girl whose ass I mistakenly grabbed at a party last night. The other one I got from my girlfriend when I explained the first one. FML
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Top comments
Mirorbo 27
I would feel sorry for the poor dear if she didn't make such a shallow excuse.
Mikeymikey 4
well there's only one thing left to do!!! Give her another black eye 0_o
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Comments (124)
monnanon 14
what a cow, get rid of her. If she can lie about something like that who knows what she will say you have done down the line.
DJuan 0
lol @ 49. I love the kitchen jokes
isabellaah94 0
I had a friend who did get bashed by her bf and told everyone she walked into a door.. FHL
Artemis_Huntress 0
F your friend's life, or F the GF's life, because while your friend obviously didn't deserve it (no one does) the GF was a bitch and should get slapped for saying a lie that could get the OP in a lot of trouble.
nizzy09 3
Why are you still calling her your girlfriend? she seems very insecure if she can't admit she ran into something. we all do stupid shit sometimes. and she sounds crazy to if she is gonna make up such a big lie that affects you.
davek 36
Throw her out of your house. Change the locks, leave her stuff on the lawn, and sue her for slander.
Subtext 10
The only rabbit where this would be believable is Bun-bun. Or probably the rabbit from Monty Python and the Holy Grail (but I think Bun-bun got inspired by this rabbit anyway...)
nuklear7 0
if she's saying it off-handedly, its because people today are going to suspect it anyways... if she tells the truth, they'll come to the conclusion that you really are beating her and she's protecting you. if she says it off handedly and not really emphasizing on it, then she'll realize people will draw their own conclusions and NOT on you.... she's actually covering your butt in the female world. i'm guessing you're in your teens?
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
I can see this. That's pretty much the last thing an abused woman would say casually. She may just have a dark, dry sense of humor. I'm touchy about abuse jokes so I wouldn't say that, but even if I did, my family and friends would know I was being ridiculous. They know my husband too well to believe it. If she's saying it to total strangers or doing a fake crying/confiding bit, that's crossing a line. Tell her you're uncomfortable with it and if she continues, drop the attention *****.
chrisauh 4
dumb the bitch
youthink_fml 0
Dump her lying ass. If you stay, you'll end up in jail for something you didn't do. She's psycho.
MrSassypants 34
that suks and if u break up with her u would look like a dick so I'm sorry but I can't help on this 1
nickforthewin 0
not really