Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I hit her. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML
Today, my wife has a bruise on her cheek from a nasty trip while practicing her yoga. She now thinks it's hilarious to flinch in public when I get near her, and keeps telling people she "walked into a door". I've gotten more dirty looks than I can count. FML
Today, I accidentally gave myself a black eye. I would laugh about it if my friends didn't start suspecting that my husband is abusing me, and won't listen when I try to explain what really happened. FML
Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML
Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating, so she smashed me in the head with her handbag so hard my eyeball is red from a burst blood vessel. I followed her home, where she tried to pretend she knew nothing, it wasn’t her I'd seen, she’d been home all day. I had to get the cops to drag her out my house. FML
Today, I confessed to cheating to my girlfriend. She decided to go up to the girl and ask her about it. The girl denied it and said she didn't even know me. My girlfriend walked up to me, called me a liar and punched me in the face. FML
Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML
Today, I have two black eyes. The first one I got from the girl whose ass I mistakenly grabbed at a party last night. The other one I got from my girlfriend when I explained the first one. FML
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Top comments
Mirorbo 27
I would feel sorry for the poor dear if she didn't make such a shallow excuse.
Mikeymikey 4
well there's only one thing left to do!!! Give her another black eye 0_o
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Comments (124)
dirtysoapflakes 2
lol, that sucks. I'm one of the clumsiest people aorund, when it comes to injuring myself. Unfortunately, everyone in my class seems to have a huge problem with me having an older boyfriend who's left school, and decided that he beats me. Even more unfortuantly,i literally bruise all over from simple things like falling down the stairs, and apparently, that simple explanation screeams domestic abuse. lol
thisisamazing 0
I'd embarrass da hell out of her! I would a) slip out one of her secrets in front of a crowd or b) use the "reason why you suck" speech on her. b) ALWAYS works. Yeah but anyway fyl dude.
Knirps 0
Just tell the truth to everyone. Real battered women don't blab to everyone anyway, they INTENTIONALLY say they ran into a door. Unless her friends are retarded, they should figure it out.
NinjaCookie 0
aha, rudeness!!! tell her you prefer girls who walk into walls XP
Hayos 0
LOL..this made my day/earlymorning
cicilovesyou 0
this is litterly THE FUNNIEST fml i have ever read
fuckinglifesucks 0
69-agreed!!! dump her sorry azz!!!
MAKINGHISTORYCMS 0
if a boyfriend had done that to me, which one has, I would have dumped his ass! (or hers in your case)
Reidar 11
That's low, really low...
PurpleLlamas 0
agreed with two except that wegn i do stupid stuff i laugh at it because everyone knows i am very clumsy and im a klutz. lolzz.