Today, my girlfriend accused me of being insecure and feeling threatened by the fact that she has a daughter from a previous relationship. She's vaguely right; I feel threatened, but mainly because the psycho keeps threatening to stab me to death when her mom isn't around to hear. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend told me that the girl he really likes sees me as a threat. FML
Today, I'm hiding from my creepy next-door neighbor. She constantly trash-talks my partner of two years, she's mentally unstable, looks to me for support, has a raging crush on me, and she drunkenly tried to make out with me last weekend. I'm two months older than her daughter. FML
Today, my psycho and now ex-girlfriend accused me of cheating on her with my own mother. FML
Today, my paranoid wreck of a girlfriend read a text message on my phone from a woman asking if I was coming over for dinner. The woman was my mom. My girlfriend stormed out and hasn't answered my calls all day. FML
Today, my girlfriend hates my friends and I'm not allowed to talk or hang out with them. She keeps threatening my job. The only reason I'm still with her is because she will try and get me fired. She's crazy and so is the rest of her family. FML
Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. Now she's threatening to kill herself if I don't forgive her. FML
Today, my girlfriend called me a "controlling, overbearing psychopath." What did I do? I found out her best friend is trying to persuade her to cheat on me and I demanded she cut her friend off. I'm better off single, I know, but it still hurts. FML
Today, my wife is convinced I don't love my daughter. Why? She got her first boyfriend recently, and I was friendly with the lad, instead of doing the stupid "overprotective dad" routine. Apparently, not feeling the need to act like a dumbass sitcom character means I secretly resent my family. FML
Today, I realized just how messed up my life is, thanks to all the scare stories my wife sees on Dr Phil. She's now convinced that I'll start beating her someday. She's started taking martial arts classes, and threatens to use her skills every time I get even slightly frustrated with her. FML
Today, my mom accused me of stealing money from her purse. Being totally innocent, I reminded her that the only other person with access to it is her boyfriend. She said she trusts him because she loves him. They've been dating for two months. I've been her daughter for 25 years. FML
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Top comments
PenguinBitch 44
Try to record her saying it.
rieebee 23
Talk to them about it.
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Comments (91)
bardo264 17
Have you been a bad stab dad?
Pingvinai 37
Tome to hit the old record in secret trick. Smartphones can do wonders nowadays.
laden_swallow09 35
Wear a wire!
joshi42 16
Get wired up and let her listen to record.
jennyhemmings 3
Sounds like the movie "The Orphan"...sorry it's happening to you :(
NicoSnowFlame 10
you probably should record the next time you think shes gonna say it and play it at dinner.
diagnosed 15
I really think that you should buy a tape recorder and record her making these threats to you. And try letting her mother listen to them. I don't think its right for a child to be threatened by their parent wanting to be happy. As long as they're being treated properly.
HotShot313 15
You could make a good movie, my friend. ?
Foxrabbit 9
You should record it a couple of times. Then talk to her about that. If she doesn't believe you then play the recordings. Try filming it also.
lina21 12
How old is this kid? Record that to prove it. If she thinks her little angel is so innocent after that, she's not worth it