Today, my friend's kid chased me with a rusty, sharp tent peg and threatened to kill me. When I finally got him to calm down he ran off to his room. Later, I found the tent peg under his pillow with a note that said my name. My friend thinks it's hilarious. I am staying here for a week. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my roommate came home and instantly began raging, cursing, and threatening to kill me. While I was cowering in my bedroom, the police had to settle the situation. All I'd done was rearrange some furniture. FML
Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML
Today, a punk-looking college kid was making fun of my mentally handicapped son. Out of anger, I punched him in the face. I got handcuffed and thrown into a police car. The kid stood there laughing and pointing at me. FML
Today, during a game of manhunt, my brother and his friends thought it would be funny to tie me to a telelphone pole with my very own multicolored jumprope from when I was younger. They left me there. My mom drove by, stared and then laughed, She kept driving. FML
Today, my house was pelted with rotten eggs. Apparently, my daughter and her friends are bullying a boy in her class. So, his older brother set out for revenge. According to the threatening note he left, "This is just the start if they don't leave him alone." My daughter thinks this means she should bully harder. FML
Today, I had to babysit two kids. It all went well until one of them duct taped a knife to a toy machine gun, lit the barbecue on fire, and ran around like a wild banshee screaming obscenities. The other one got scared and climbed onto the roof of the house. FML
Today, my little brother came into my room and hit me over the head with his baseball bat. He then dropped the bat onto my floor and ran crying into my mother's room proclaiming I stole his bat and beat him with it for fun. FML
Today, my son is having housing issues, so I let him stay at my place for a while. Today, he found out that the quiet, dorky-looking professor who lives next door is an MMA fighter. He tried to break into the guy's house in the middle of the night and is now in the hospital. FML
Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me for six blocks. FML
Today, my son visited for the first time in three years, asking to stay a while. It turns out he insulted someone online and gave his address in case they wanted to fight him. They accepted the offer, and so my son's imaginary Muay Thai skills went AWOL, along with his testicles. FML
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Top comments
xLoLa_fml 6
What were you doing looking under his pillow...?
madelinebriana 11
That's terrifying.
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Comments (178)
Shaqdiesel954 0
First
madelinebriana 11
Would you like me to present you with an award or do you prefer to bask in your glory alone?
Shaqdiesel954 0
Stale
juancoon 8
HAHAH
justmethough 8
Sounds like you're walking on a bed of... Pegs.
zombicidal 11
you sir are my idol I want to be first when I grow up
Shaqdiesel954 0
Well since being first is just getting harassed by lame jokes, i won't be first again. Sheesh
madelinebriana 11
Well what exactly did you expect us to do? Congratulate you?
TeddiursaBear 2
You will get harassed if you waste the comment on something stupid like "first."
madelinebriana 11
That's terrifying.
DayAndNite 8
Parenting these days.
justmethough 8
Looks like you're walking on a dangerous bed of... Pegs.
indielove 13
get the **** out now.
Damn_Hippster 11
The next Michael Myers?
nic7973 23
a twist on 'stake out'?
EpixFai1 1
O gawd
gojira666 7
Obviously that kid is a soulless ginger.
_Oblivion_ 12
Just get the ****** peg while he's sleeping, even at that it's not too hard to subdue a child *pedobear*
Dontstealmyname 11
At least it's not a death note.
_Oblivion_ 12
Having your name stuck to a sharp pointy thing sounds pretty deathly to me
sweettpie129 11
Sleep with one eye open...
beddington 7
Soon.....
xLoLa_fml 6
What were you doing looking under his pillow...?
Pixxio_O 11
Pedo bear approves.
ICATiger 13
Maybe he wanted to start a pillow fight???
ambamm135 7
Probably was looking for the peg so he/she could make sure the kid didn't try to kill op in his/her sleep.
cBlackout 13
If there was a tent peg under your pillow you would probably notice it.
ihasbrains 10
51 - it was under the kid's pillow.
Sumo69 9
You make a good point what the hell is he doing in the kids bedroom. kids are a lot smarter than you think, you obviously piss that kid off really bad.
cBlackout 13
My bad 53, didn't read that right.
naughtia 14
If you found the peg under the pillow, why didn't you just take it and throw it away?
nava1210 12
Kids are easy to scare anyway. Just say your gonna kill him or just show him you are stronger than him and beat him up. JK. Calm down everyone.
AceArctic 4
No, you had a point 141. Go all Cesar Milan on that future serial killer!
fallenangel1421 15
I think the kid needs help. That's not funny at all but FYL
buck33 14
How old is the kid?
AssassinsCRB 0
I found it kinda funny ;)
USMC_Cpl 5
^Me too.
HuntMASTER15 3
Whip that kid!
ICATiger 13
Pedo Bear approves.....
TourettesGuyFTW 26
**** him up with his own tent peg.
ZebulonPike 8
...or possibly psychological help? That may work just a little bit better...
Link5794 18
I think 5 was making a reference to a YFM song called "Whip Yo Kids", which is about a guy who is irritated by parents not disciplining their children. That said, more violence would probably make it worse, what with the whole role model thing.
Clarese 0
Kid needs help! Mother should give her head a shake and realize that.
GVirdi 11
While the kid is sleeping OP can hold a knife over his/head while he/she wakes up and then run out the room giggling (old fml post reference...) Just an idea... Don't hate Bring on the thumbs downs!!!
YdoIhaveAchode 4
If he comes after you again, falcon punch him.
kevsnev 7
That's his way of saying, "let's be friends."
Redoxx_fml 22
Good thing it wasn't a rusty spoon
EGRelapse 6
Omg the SPOON KILLER 0.0
Arashi_Nightmare 8
That gave me a very disturbing mental image... O_e
desireev 18
Is this the child named 'Damien' from the movie 'The Omen' by any chance?
LiveLaughFML 10
Who knew a cute kid could be capable of such demonic things? :X
pdp_fml 21
You look to young to know about that movie, unless you are a horror film buff.