Today, my son is having housing issues, so I let him stay at my place for a while. Today, he found out that the quiet, dorky-looking professor who lives next door is an MMA fighter. He tried to break into the guy's house in the middle of the night and is now in the hospital. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my son visited for the first time in three years, asking to stay a while. It turns out he insulted someone online and gave his address in case they wanted to fight him. They accepted the offer, and so my son's imaginary Muay Thai skills went AWOL, along with his testicles. FML
Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. Twenty minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML
Today, some muscle-head showed up at my house and started beating on me. Turned out my son had been posing online as a Navy SEAL, using a picture of me, and had dared this guy to come over and fight him. FML
Today, I accidentally walked in on my roommate while she was changing clothes. She insisted on telling her boyfriend what had happened, because, "It wouldn't feel right" if she didn't. Her boyfriend is a MMA fighter/bodybuilder and has major jealousy issues. I'm screwed. FML
Today, not only is my son a bully, but he's dumb enough to bully a kid whose parents both do martial arts. His mom is a cage fighter and his step-dad is a kickboxer. They're both huge, terrifying, and pissed off. FML
Today, I let my estranged husband move back in with my son and me. Later, his pregnant and underage girlfriend knocked on my door, crying about how her mom kicked her out. I'm such a pushover, they're in my bed and I'm on the couch. FML
Today, I found out why my son has been working out and taking martial arts classes. It was so he could beat his stepbrother up and put him in the hospital, as revenge for stealing his secret cash supply, over £4000. I'm too old and too tired for this. FML
Today, I got home to my son with a bruised face and my daughter locked in her room. Apparently, when she got home from work, her unemployed brother asked her when she was going to cook dinner, so she punched him in the head. He’s so entitled that he actually thought he’d get sympathy from me. FML
Today, my son broke his arm roughhousing with his brother on a bunk bed. While at the ER, he thought it would be funny to tell a different story to each doctor and nurse, forcing me to speak over him. They found this behavior "suspicious" and reported us to child services. FML
Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I knew his parents wouldn't be there. Later, I woke up in a hospital bed because his sister thought I was a burglar and tased me. FML
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Top comments
MrConfusion 21
More like F the professors life! Your son is an asshole!
sempisaviour 17
There should really be an option saying "he deserved it."
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Comments (41)
MrConfusion 21
More like F the professors life! Your son is an asshole!
MikaykayUnicorn 36
Your son totally ****** deserves it OP. That's such shit, I'm glad the professor was an MMA fighter.
Mightytall 35
The dumbass son is also lucky the dorky quiet professor doesn't keep a loaded 12 gauge with buckshot in the bedroom closet. He could be in the morgue rather than the hospital. Now he's got a chance to learn from his mistake.
28actress 22
At least he learned his lesson?
NeatNit 33
No reason to be so optimistic, it's more likely that he'll try to get "revenge" as soon as he gets out
Red_140 5
Oh my god yes ?
SwagBasket 10
And get his ass kicked again?
andrmac 25
Highly unlikely he learned his lesson if he's having housing issues and breaking into people's houses likely he will never grow up and adult.
TacoloverSWE 23
Boys will be boys? No?
TacoloverSWE 23
Boys will be boys? No?
may14th 26
Ok, so why did he break into his house?
DoomedGemini 38
I'm guessing to try to steal money since he had to move back with his parent(s).
MikaykayUnicorn 36
Because he's an asshole. I'm sorry, but I have no sympathy for anyone who steals or breaks into a house, no matter your situation. I have been poor and I never once stole or even thought of stealing. It's a shitty thing to do. If you are desperate, there are places that will help you. And clearly OP's son had parents who helped him and yet he chose to be a dick and steal.
Host2phats 21
I agree with you there on never having stole and being a pathetic thing to do, but you can't lie, everyone at some point thinks about stealing something. Now the difference is actually doing it.
DoomedGemini 38
I'm really hoping people aren't thinking a I'm trying to sympathize or some shit, it isn't okay at all. Someone asked his reasoning, I gave the probably answer. Just because he chose the terrible way of doing it doesn't mean that wasn't the reasoning
MikaykayUnicorn 36
#40 when I say "Never thought about it" I meant "Never thought about actually doing it" haha, I have thought "I could easily just slip this in my pocket and take it" but I'd never do it; I'm too much of a pussy.
sempisaviour 17
There should really be an option saying "he deserved it."
Unbansawsage 16
Or they deserved it, not all assholes are dudes
PrincessZelda_HR 22
Chill; op said their son
ABlindMan 17
35 isn't wrong, if they did a "he deserved it" they'd have to do a "she deserved it" as well for the FML's not involving a male. A "They deserved it" button would work in general, unless of course the autho was given the choice to pick an 'HDI' or 'SDI' button.
doraquiexplore 13
And think what you want about the gender spectrum but there are plenty of people that use they/them pronouns so a TDI option would be the best way to go
OneOnJuanAction 22
Too bad they changed it to This Could've Happened To Me
curlytop101 23
Never judge a book by its cover. Apparently you might end up in the hospital if you do
SpartanMerc 18
Exactly. It could have been worse too. I train in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, where you learn how to break peoples arms, legs, choke them unconscious, and control their movement in a fight. I don't look like I'm particularly well built, but I will take an opponent apart in seconds. BJJ was designed to benefit more lean practitioners. Plus there is the added danger of breaking into and armed citizens home and getting shot...
TheNewGuy03 29
34, that sounded awfully self-aggrandizing (coming from a fellow practitioner of BJJ).
DeadxManxWalking 27
well he gon' learn today!
Cuntflicted 15
Your Son deserved it, and it could have been worse! Hopefully he learned his lesson.
DoomedGemini 38
Hopefully you say FML because your son is such a dick. Hopefully he learned his lesson. Perhaps apologize for your idiot son and hope that the neighbor won't hold his actions against you. Having a bad relationship with neighbors is best avoided if possible.