Today, I had to babysit two kids. It all went well until one of them duct taped a knife to a toy machine gun, lit the barbecue on fire, and ran around like a wild banshee screaming obscenities. The other one got scared and climbed onto the roof of the house. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was babysitting a 7 year-old brat. He refused to eat his vegetables, so I forbade him from playing until they were finished. He stomped off upstairs, so I let him cool off for a couple of minutes. When I went upstairs, he had taken scissors to all of his mother's clothes. FML
Today, I was babysitting. Everything was going well until the kid called 911 on me for making him eat his vegetables. FML
Today, I babysat my neighbour's spoilt bratty twins. When I told them it was their bed time, they pushed me over. One then started smashing me with a plastic sword, and as I lay helpless on the floor the other one peed on me. I got owned by two five year olds. FML
Today, I'm babysitting. The kids have only been home at the same time together for 15 minutes. Two of them have punched each other and the other is running in circles screaming. What is wrong with this picture? FML
Today, I was babysitting three kids, one of whom was particularly difficult to control. While trying to get him to behave, the two girls came up behind me and pulled my pants down. In front of a huge window open to the street below. FML
Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML
Today, I caught three kids setting fire to a bush. After chasing them off, I parked my bike by a house and went to get water. After I'd put the fire out, I walked back to my bike just in time to see the kids running off with it. FML
Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML
Today, I was babysitting. I was sitting on the sofa when I felt that I need to ajust my sitting arangment. After moving, I felt a small toy snap under me. The little boy said it was fine. One hour later he snuck up on me and beat me with an umbrella for breaking his toy. FML
Today, I was babysitting my nephew. He was acting up, so instead of spanking him, I put him in the corner for timeout. He screamed and thrashed and kicked the walls so hard my neighbors called the police. My sister wasn’t answering her phone, and I had to explain why a 7-year-old was acting like that. FML
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Top comments
xlord 27
So you are dealing with a real life version of Chucky?
JoeyJaws68 18
How long were things going well? 10 minutes?
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Comments (114)
xlord 27
So you are dealing with a real life version of Chucky?
confusedAsFuck 34
I was thinking more like the Joker: "we're tonight's entertainment"..
JoeyJaws68 18
How long were things going well? 10 minutes?
Caitie_kid 8
Seriously. And how did they get ahold of a knife and lite the grill if they were actually being watched?
jojimugo 20
I agree, things were not going well they were just in the planing mode
vffjvsegb 11
Well that escalated quickly
DocBastard 40
This stupid phrase needs to go the way of the dodo and "arrow to the knee".
TwoXMike 14
Those phrases would be gone by now they they took an arrow to the knee and now they can't move
Zomg_Okay 27
They have two legs, they can limp along just fine. If it becomes necessary, I'm sure we'd have no shortage of volunteers for carrying them to a ditch somewhere.
gracehi 33
I used to be a trite commenter like you, but then I took an arrow to the knee.
MadMaddyson 10
did you know "taking an arrow to the knee" is actually Norse slang for getting married?
tuxedoandex 28
bad meme
DocBastard 40
Sounds exactly like my patients and their brothers. Except he would have actually stabbed him and lit him on fire.
baxeh 29
Children are such a joy...
CookieLovesBoo 16
Sarcasm at its finest :)
nnnope 26
^ you don't say?
SlapAndTickle 20
Kids ARE a joy and if you don't feel that way I pity you.
squideth 18
73 get over yourself, not everyone has to love kids. I pity YOU for being such an uncompromising bitch.
leonchen7498 12
well at least they arent playing on their mobile the whole time...
bigNaKeD 9
He said, while making a comment on the phone app.
FMLkoala 28
He might of been using the computer
Enslaved 38
#7 was just trying to make a light joke. Hey, some babysitters just plop the kids in front of the TV and feed them junk food. But I guess as long as they're returned alive without the house burning down, it'll be a good day!
leonchen7498 12
Tablet app* btw haha Im awful at making comments ._.
kaiyybee 10
Sounds like an interesting group
Fadingstars 12
Are you positive you weren't baby sitting the devil and the angels children? Or possibly Lucifer ?
lagrimae 9
Before the devil feel from heaven he was called Lucifer.
brittyboo123 35
I guess it's safe to say you're not babysitting there again.
staroftexas9 3
Ok, if the kids had time to do all that then you weren't watching them very well at all!
JanisEvans 10
Exactly!
R3TROxLOV3 32
Actually it could be easy for one to sneak out of the OP's line of sight. I babysit twin boys and they're constantly doing this thing where one will cause a distraction (spilling juice, throwing things, climbing on things, trying to break things) so that the other one can sneak off. You'd be surprised at how crafty little children can be.
DocBastard 40
The people who say things like this ("If only you had been watching them!") are the ones who have never had the responsibility for small children. Those little bastards are much faster and MUCH more cunning than you could believe.
Enslaved 38
I don't know, that's a whole lotta steps that could have been prevented. A good caretaker knows that kids are indeed crafty and needs to be one step ahead of them at all times. Okay, the kid got ahold of a knife but it should have been taken away long before he had time to duct tape it to the gun. Now he has matches-- again taken away before he lit anything. And the kid heading to the roof? Stopped before reaching the top. Etc. . .
lulubelles 33
I agree Enslaved and I'll go one further; if you get them doing something constructive instead of allowing them to choose something destructive it works out a whole lot better! Yes, every kid can get into mischief now and then but that is excessive.
NotoriousLES 14
I have to say both sides are correct. Children can be evil masterminds, adept in the dark arts, cunning and swift. However, anyone caring for theses demon seeds should anticipate this! There really is no excusing that the babysitter missed this little bastard collecting, assembling, and putting to use the number of contraband items need to rain hell on the household. A fire, a knife or a jumper on the roof maybe, but not all three!
R3TROxLOV3 32
51, but if the child(ren) is/are especially destructive, getting them to sit down and be calm is a whole different issue. The twins I babysit? The more rowdy one gets, the more rowdy the other one gets, and no amount of calming activities will get them to chill out until they're good and ready. Like I said before, children are crafty, and when it comes to one who's especially rowdy, it's difficult to keep them in your line of sight 24/7, especially if they leave a path of destruction in their wake that YOU have to clean up before someone else gets hurt either by tripping, slipping, or stepping on something sharp.
lulubelles 33
76 I used to babysit twin boys too, and my oldest 2 girls were 19 months apart, so I know how challenging it is! It doesn't have to be calm and sitting down, just structured, play chase, or football etc. I'd leave hide and seek in op's case though, just asking for more trouble.
R3TROxLOV3 32
It still depends of the children. The boys I babysir? Watercolor turns into trying to paint the carpet, coloring turns into trying to draw on the walls, running around turns into them trying to physically harm each other. Not all kids are that easy to calm down.