Today, my dog attacked me because I had a chicken costume on for a party. I'm currently in a hospital, dressed as a chicken, waiting for medical assistance. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I realized I was late for work, so I rushed out of bed only to accidentally step onto my dog which then promptly bit my leg and now I'm in the ER. FML
Today, I got trapped in an elevator with a chicken. FML
Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML
Today, my mom's super spoiled small demon dog attacked my 3 year-old daughter, mauling her leg. Out of instinct, I kicked it away, causing it to fly across the room yelping. I picked up my daughter and took her straight to the hospital, where she got stitches. Later that night, I was greeted with a vet bill. FML
Today, I was playing with my dog, teasing her, to cheer myself up after being dumped by my girlfriend. My dog bit me hard and I had to go to hospital. The dog has to be put down. FML
Today, I thought it would be fun to tease my dog by standing above her and hitting each of her paws repeatedly. My dog thought it would be fun to jump up and bite at my chest whilst I wasn't wearing a shirt. I just spent four hours in hospital getting my nipple sewn back on. FML
Today, the family dog escaped and I ran after her. She started attacking a random dog, so I started clapping and yelling, trying to get her attention. After I got her away, my hands started swelling. I clapped my hands so hard that they're swollen and bruised. FML
Today, I went for a run, and my own dog attacked me. FML
Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML
Today, my roommate whipped my face with a frozen chicken cutlet. My cheek is now the size of the chicken cutlet, and now he won't drive me to the hospital because it's "too funny to look at." FML
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Top comments
zingline89 18
There's a shorter wait time at the vet.
Luqdude 0
Finger Lickin' Good...
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Comments (146)
Luqdude 0
Finger Lickin' Good...
Andr913 13
Chicken fancy dress. Well, NOW I can say I've seen and heard it all.
Redoxx_fml 22
Need a moment?
hubla 0
Didn't you have close underneath like a thin shirt and shorts and did you just go free balling in a freaking chicken suit
hubla 0
*clothes
epicwaffles 7
Brazzers
Damn_Hippster 11
Maybe he thought you were the chicken from family guy? Either way this FML is like something that would happen in a comedy show.
CopehagenCanMan 0
44- Have you not went commando in a chicken suit before? It is quite fun if I do say so myself
zombicidal 11
what does a **** site have to do with this
topie_fml 6
Because it's the plot for a porno.
Pixxio_O 11
I misread this as 'my bf attacked me..' and I was like wtf for 5 minutes till I realised op had said 'dog'....
cosmosis 12
"kentuckin fruckin chicken, put it in your hole. Mmm licking and fingering good" -Serge haminov
nic7973 23
wicked
slick5880 22
Of attacked me?
Skullcrusher 5
No proof readin' ass!
ilikeapplejuice 7
wow I didn't even notice that
SamCat 21
stupid me, i re-read the 1st sentence trying to make sense of it. smh
Kirlyfoo 9
Oiy vey matzah btw ILL call kfc to pick u up
darien987 1
What...
melibear89 7
I lost brain cells trying to read that. I'm no grammar nazi but damn go back to English class please.
zombicidal 11
I can't tell what made me contemplate suicide more this comment or your bio
MikeDa1Da 14
Translated into English: omfg, and by the way I'll call Kentucky fried chicken to pick you up.
WordSmyth 2
"Leave Simba, leave and never return"
WCARlover 35
"chicken fancy dress costume"? How is any chicken costume fancy?
skyeyez9 25
Maybe this one was made from real chickens.
slick5880 22
A tophat makes anything fancy.
zombicidal 11
only if a monocle is involved in that ensemble
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Ah, there was another FML a while ago with a huge discussion about the "fancy dress". In some other English speaking countries, it simply means "costume".
MizzErikaHart 8
Well she already said costume and op is from ohio
angelina_galvan 3
Chicken fancy is a dog and cat food line so she was dressed as food
IdaE 17
Haha, that sounds horrible....
Torva_fml 16
Sounds funny to me.
MaceFaceLOL 8
Sounds like the dog is kinda cocky to me. :D
AnagenisisZagus 13
You don't say?
ninjafury101 2
At least you weren't a can of kibbles.
ClassyCommando 13
Man's best friend...such loyalty.
vturbz91 0
Good
THE_A_TEEN 28
What's good? Your future KFC bucket of legs n' thighs made from poor OP? I'll go with that, you cannibal arse...
MaceFaceLOL 8
Well someone had a big bowl of grumpy'O's this morning.
The_Great_Zucchi 15
What's good is that if a dog has to bite someone because it wasn't trained properly (only reason dogs bite according to people who claim to know about dogs) I would prefer it bit the owner...
MaceFaceLOL 8
That was just random and completely off topic^
zingline89 18
There's a shorter wait time at the vet.
cchan034 23
Lfmao
LouisianaBob 9
There really is. My dog needed blood work done and we got the results the next day. Edit: for waiting in line and waiting for results.
AnagenisisZagus 13
^Congratulations....?
hawkey126 0
C'mon. That's awesome.
DontClickOnMe 28
That's what you get for teasing your dog like that. Lol no, I'm sorry, but I guess he couldn't help himself.
LaColombianita 26
Dog: must.....eat...chicken *bites* what the... This doesn't taste like chicken at all! >:o
Comet_Candy 23
But doesn't everything taste like chicken?
lyskiss 10
if it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken and smells like chicken, it must be chicken.