Today, my four year old daughter came up to me with her finger in her ear. She then let me know that her earwax tasted better than the dinner I made. In front of my whole family. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my 3-year-old daughter came along, pointing a finger at me. I pretended to eat it by putting it in my mouth. She then said to me with disgust, "Why are you eating my booger?" Ah, that explains the saltiness… FML
Today, I was taking a nap on the couch when my 2 year old daughter decided that daddy needed an ear cleaning. With all the grace of toddler-hood, she stabbed me in the eardrum with a Q-tip. Now I can't hear her coming. FML
Today, I was teaching my two year-old daughter how to take a person's temperature. While I was sitting down, she came up behind me and shoved the thermometer in my ear hard. Now I can't hear out of my right ear, and I'm in excruciating pain. FML
Today, I found out that my stepsister loves sticking random household objects in her ear in an attempt to collect ear wax. I found out when I walked in on her trying to pick all the wax out of the bristles of my toothbrush. FML
Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML
Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML
Today, I told my daughter that she should put some love into her cooking. She started kissing the ingredients. FML
Today, during dinner with my wife's family, my daughter suddenly yelled, "DADDY TICKLES MOMMY'S BUM BUM!" I don't think I've ever received dirtier glares in my life. FML
Today, I listened to a little girl explain how her scabs taste great with lemon juice. FML
Today, I told my five year-old daughter that no, she could not have ice cream for breakfast. She retaliated by pooping in the living room and smearing it on the walls. My in-laws, whom I've been trying to impress for ages, are visiting today. FML
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Top comments
enonymous 9
You're lucky she didn't charge you for that meal. sautéed baby earwax is usually served with a hot caramelized snot ball and a side of full half baked diaper.
denvan 0
Get those earwax cooking lessons started
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Comments (95)
T3P33_fml 0
no she didn't try to light it up as a candle. tsss, young people nowadays... *nod head*
URfmlsMAKEmeLOL 0
women who has no clue how 2 cook?!?!?! Wtf
amuck 0
exactly, what's this world coming to?
rebekahah 7
I think an unreasonable, yet kind of reasonable punishment would be to feed her earwax and when she complains say: "well I thought you said you liked it..."
rate_ya 0
haha that's too funny, just laugh it off she is only young!
hosson 0
kids at that age r so freaking picky. but in front of ur family, that sucks. but again, she's only 4.
RoxxyHustle 7
I love how OPs feelings are all super hurt: 'in front of my whole family' waaaah waaah waaaah, what was she supposed to do, pull you aside and tell you privately?! she's FOUR!!!
iBanana 17
Don't repost moderated comments..
readthisnuloveme 0
tell her shes right , so when shes older she can cook for you (:
easoccer515 0
win
zSapphire15 0
Aww that's so cute! But sad lol