Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
Today, the 4 year-old I was babysitting came up to me all happy, saying she went to the bathroom like a "big girl." Knowing she was just potty trained, I asked if she'd remembered to flush. Looking at me confused, she said, "But it's in my room." FML
Today, my daughter watched a potty training video on Sesame Street. In the middle of the video, she got up and ran to her potty to practice. She then announced, "All done!", and proudly closed the lid to her potty. She then immediately stood on top of it and peed. FML
Today, my 6-year-old daughter barged into the bathroom while I was peeing, inspected the toilet and said, "You're well hydrated, good job." FML
Today, I finally confronted my daughter about never using air freshener after she poops. She said, "But I thought flushing made the smell go away!" She's 15 and she actually believed this. FML
Today, my toddler is starting to realize when she has a dirty diaper. How do I know? She walked up to me with a shit covered hand, saying "Poop Mommy! Poop!!" FML
Today, at work, some little girl went in the bathroom for quite a while. Came out for two minutes and went back in. She then came out with her finger clutched in a paper towel. One of the other coworkers went in to check the bathroom. The little girl wrote "Hi!" with her own poop. FML
Today, a little girl at my work had an accident. She asked me to help her change, and as she was changing she stuck her hand in her vagina to make sure all the "peepee was gone". She then put that same hand on my face to balance herself as she finished changing. FML
Today, I kept getting out of bed because I was sure my daughter had pooped in her diaper. Every time, I found nothing. I finally figured out the foul smell was my husband's breath, when he leaned into kiss me goodnight. FML
Today, my daughter spoke her first words. Her dad had been practicing with her for weeks in secret. She crawled to me and said, "I poop." FML
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Top comments
ImaginaryFoe 1
Did you teach her to wash her hands? If not, well, you know where I'm going with this.
LittleMonsterSam 5
well ain't that some shit
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Comments (109)
LittleMonsterSam 5
well ain't that some shit
OCDC 9
No that's not normal, it's just annoying. I'm pretty sure I here those comments at least 50 times on each FML whenever someone makes a joke. Be more original.
LoginUnknown 0
You here those comments? Do you also there those comments?
OCDC 9
*hear My bad.
MissBunny25 0
I know you'd like to think your shit don't stank, but lean a little bit closer see that roses really smell like poo-oo-oo
Dennisse_47 17
hahaha MissBunny. and 1, when I read that comment, I read it like the backround singers from Cee lo Green's song F**k you... and that made me giggle. lol
tulsafml 0
okay 54 I have to ask. are you from degrassi?!?!
alex1432 9
This reminds me of that scene in scary movie where Doofie smells the other cops finger and tell him that's the smell when you know you've become a man. And he does the same thing and is like that's my ass.
Dennisse_47 17
57. why yes, yes I am. :)
luke1998 0
ur bond friend jessica shes my sis lol
JessicaHearts 3
are you really?? there's no way
allyrox123 0
haha.. so did I :p
FailBear920 19
Im on the chinee degrassi
john7h567hgrd 0
HOLY ****!! There's a Chinese degrassi?!
LittleMonsterSam 5
how did the conversation come from shit to degrassi?
xdannyx117x 0
degrassi is shit lol I kid I kid
ImaginaryFoe 1
Did you teach her to wash her hands? If not, well, you know where I'm going with this.
RedPillSucks 33
Yep. Sounds like a teaching and hygiene moment.
none_for_me 5
agreed ^^^
kingtz 6
She probably can't reach the sink on her own if she's that young.
IStoleTheCookies 16
*cough* anti-bacterial hand gel *cough* :)
hahaLexinater 0
my brother is two and he can climb on the toilet, wipe, flush, get germ-x on, turn off the lights and the shut the door.
zzzBOLTzzz 1
Did they smell good?
rompgr 0
win!
florecitabetch 0
lavender I bet
MissBunny25 0
hmm.. lavender smelling shit.. lucky child.
slinginmac14 0
win
mccaincracker 6
teach her to wash her hands.
j300zx 0
Haha I did that to my friend once. Good times.
DarkJoy_fml 5
Sounds like a child.....they're always up to something unexpected by their parents. Did you expect a walk in the park when you had children? If so then **** your life indeed!
jewels1877 0
She must've learned that from your husband.
hahaLexinater 0
you must've of learned that from your boyfriend. oh wait you don't have one
Guy_Smily 0
the only thing is her daughter is 22
MissBunny25 0
winning! ^^
remiiiii_fml 5
agreed, win^
182crazyking 9
49, Charlie Sheen?
MissBunny25 0
90 yes that's me. I'm bi-winning over here with my tiger blood
john7h567hgrd 0
Oh don't forget to mention you're from mars!!
hahaLexinater 0
he's died 4 TIMES since October! I'm surprised he's still alive! =
jacob4848 4
"I got the poo on me"
JayJayAttackAtta 5
"this ain't no a-bomb! it's just a rv crapper tank that some skateboarder slapped a biohazard sticker on!"
Servonski 0
show me them boobies
stephanie911_fml 0
dang.
penguinonastairc 0
zombii7 5
kikibisweet 0
XxPurplePandaxX 0
MissBunny25 0
tulsafml 0
360XBOXFTW 0
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