Today, my boyfriend told me that he was going to buy me a "magic wand". Being a Harry Potter fanatic, I assumed he meant a replica wand. It turns out he actually meant a Magic Wand vibrator. I was more excited about the HP wand. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend took me to dinner and near the end, he pulled out a long, rectangular box. Thinking it was a necklace, I got very excited. It was a wand. FML
Today, my boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and declared that he was going to put his basilisk into my chamber of secrets. And yes, that was my first time. FML
Today, I found out there's a Harry Potter club at my school. My boyfriend is in it. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me his Christmas gift to me was custom made. I told my parents in excitement, thinking it could possibly be a ring. Half an hour later he told me what it was; a molded dildo of his penis. It's going to be an awkward conversation with my parents when they ask what I got. FML
Today, as I snuck downstairs for a midnight movie, I witnessed my dad "polishing his wand" to Harry Potter porn in the living room. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML
Today, I celebrated my 21st birthday. My boyfriend of almost 3 years gave me a big pink vibrator. Thinking it was a joke I said: "I won't need this as long as I have you!" His reply: "That's what I wanted to talk to you about." FML
Today, after doing tons of research on a wand my little brother wanted for Christmas, I finally found one on eBay for $60. After already giving my credit card info and confirming the purchase, my dad called me and told me he found the exact same one for six bucks at a local toy store. FML
Today, my mom got me a Christmas present. Since I'm a whovian, she thought it would be cool to get me what she thought was a sonic screwdriver. It was actually a dildo shaped as one. I opened the gift in front of my entire family. FML
Today, my boyfriend finally convinced me to watch Harry Potter for the first time. I was bored out of my mind the entire time, and by about an hour in, all I could think about was how badly I wanted to punch Hermione for being a rude little know it all. FML
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Top comments
xZoeAmethystx 12
It's okay. Potterhead for life
drakem 7
Can't blame you, Harry Potter is awesome!
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Comments (103)
xZoeAmethystx 12
It's okay. Potterhead for life
then000bster 16
Still, both wands can create some nice magic :)
Queensland 27
Oh my god! A talking car! This IS magic!
Nordrag 26
No. Transformers are advanced biological robot aliens. No magic involved.
Padreschargers7 14
SEAMUS FINNEGAN WAS ON FIRE BEFORE KATNISS
Kn0wledge123 21
ORGASMUS POTRONUM!!
irishpassion16 6
I love the username!
drakem 7
Can't blame you, Harry Potter is awesome!
Pesticides 19
seriously, who wouldn't want a HP wand over a vibrator?
redbluegreen 41
Perhaps a Dumblewhore.
ironichalibut 24
What I'm getting from reading all of these comments on this FML, is that someone could make bank by making a Harry potter wand-vibrator
monnanon 14
i would love to have one of the wands that you can use to change channels.
VentingToRandoms 8
I don't know which is better. #24's comment or OPs username
Fuji76 15
#34, They have those....it's called a remote control, just saying. LOL
SmilieAKD 20
OP's username. It's actually pronounced that way.
perdix 31
#71, using that thing would make you a Numblewhore.
SunAndMoon427 12
66, they also make a HP wand remote...so yes, I'm sure she knows it's called a remote, it's in the product name. Think before you just insult people next time.
MerrikBarbarian 9
30 I was sure one already existed. Maybe it's time to experimenting with making one.... I got the supplies to attempt to make a custom vibe anyways to offer along with custom floggers I sell.... I think this has potential ;)
Beva_fml 15
Well, I would be more excited about the HP wand as well. Nothing to be ashamed of!
AestheticGuy 21
Thats pretty sad. OP you deserve it.
Queensland 27
You could always pretend its a real wand? A wand of pleasure and intimacy. And rainbows (tell me if you see Ron burgundy.)
ironichalibut 24
"Look, The most glorious rainbow ever!" "Oh, Do me on it!"
bigtaytay 13
Well I guess when you found out it wasn't the HP wand, it left you so shocked, you were, shall I say *takes off sunglasses* immobulus
SleepWalken 5
YEAAAHHHHHH!!!!
Padreschargers7 14
Petrificus Totalus!
yawateverok 10
ur bf is gross
yahoowizard 16
Yeah obviously everyone with basic human needs are disgusting
Queensland 27
Sorry, #7, if you can't handle intimacy FML's you shouldn't be on this website.
Ambience138 11
#7 I'm guessing you're about 9.
pinguino3669_fml 23
He was just trying to have a little fun...but a Harry potter wand would've been better for the OP it sounds like
zahra_786 19
I would have assumed the same, or that it was going to be one of those magic wand remote controls.. They look pretty awesome!
xmlguy 14
I have one - it's shockingly useless. It got expeliamas'd into the trash can.
Cass_x 22
I'd be more excited about the Harry Potter wand too.. Potterheads ftw!
MamaZombieCakes 17
HARRY POTTER! MY FAVORITE OBSESSION POTTERHEAD!
sleepwalker13 25
I would be too :D
MiloBear 11
I would also assume a Harry Potter wand. It seems weird for somebody else to buy you a vibrator, unless you specifically told him what size/style you like.
SleepWalken 5
Well they are dating..
redbluegreen 41
Unless I am mistaken, couples buy each other toys all the time.
perdix 31
#22, you are mistaken. Many guys look at vibrators as rivals, not helpers. I can't shake at 60Hz (50 Hz, in Europe), so why would I introduce something that can?
graceinsheepwear 34
a magic wand vibrator is not an insertable so size is irrelevant. It has a large spinning head and lots of men enjoy using it on a woman.
redbluegreen 41
A lot of men seem confused that sex is possible without putting a penis in something.