Today, my financial situation is so dire that I tried to steal toilet paper from work. I got caught. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, I'm so broke after my recent divorce that I stole toilet paper from my church. I'm the pastor. FML
Today, I got caught shoplifting a toothbrush. I'm flat broke and my roommate used my old one to scrub out her cat's puke stains off the carpet. FML
Today, I was so ashamed of being broke that instead of asking my parents for money, I snuck into their house while they were at work to steal some of their food. FML
Karma karma karma karma chameleon, you come and go.
Today, I forgot my phone in a restaurant bathroom because I was too distracted trying to steal three rolls of toilet paper without anyone noticing. After sinking that low because I was too broke to buy my own toilet roll, I'm now also in the market for a new phone. FML
Today, my financial troubles got so bad, I contemplated visiting a friend simply so I could swipe their deodorant. FML
Sneaky
Today, I was on the toilet at work. After a very loud and very smelly session, I waited until the other stall had been vacated to keep my anonymity. As I leant forward for some toilet roll, my ID fell out of my pocket and into the next stall. When I came out, it was face up near the sink. FML
Today, while using the restroom at McDonald's, a hand reached under my stall and took the remaining toilet paper. FML
Today, I slipped money into my mother's purse after she refused to let me pay for lunch. She caught me in the act and thought I was stealing money from her instead. FML
Today, I got caught stealing lollies. I am 25. FML
Shit for brains
Today, in desperate need of a shit, I quickly ran into a shop to buy toilet paper. I rushed home and unleashed, only to realise I'd bought paper towels. Without options, I had to wipe my ass with them and consequently blocked the toilet. I found rolls of toilet paper while looking for the plunger. FML
Top comments
cutycat136 28
Think what do I need. Not coffee every morning, Internet could go, do you really need television if you have financial problems? If you've got cell data, is it absolutely necessary to have? What about getting rid of those old clothes you never wear anymore and could have a yard sale for? Take out all the unnecessary items and you'll find you're richer than you think.
beeferjay 34
maybe you need a sugar daddy??? and by sugar daddy I don't mean myself... I don't have money
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Comments (127)
chaylea 19
You need paper
The_Ultrasonic_M 4
Many times food pantries have toilet paper and other toiletries that they can give you, as well as food if you need it. I would recommend going by a local food pantry rather than stealing from work.
Scorpio01 16
Consider washing your behind with water.. You won't have to steal toilet paper.
olga_crvjl 19
Things will get better soon
Headcrab 29
Risky. Now you might not have a job to go back to at all.
Yudith_fml 11
Instead of stealing the whole roll at once, maybe you could just take six squares and stuff it in your pocket/purse everyday. I do it when I need an emergency tissue and nobody ask questions. Also, meat is not necessary but you do need your dairy product and soy milk is just too expensive, so go for beans and tofu and shredded cheese. Also, you might be throwing away edible parts of veggies. Start eating your cauliflower green, watermelon rind and radish tops; they are both nutritious and delicious. Keep your cell if that's the only phone you have but beware the pesky phone calls during weekdays when it costs more. Nobody, I repeat, nobody wants to buy used clothes nowadays but you could do some mileages by insulating your apartment better and calling your mom; I'm sure she will be delighted to have news from you and you could have at least a decent meal in the process. There are other money saving tips all over the Internet; some are good, some are bad and some actually cost money, so beware and good luck!
CrazyManNo9 29
Cuz we's all here for sage financial advice.
Alup132 22
What a tough shituation.
olliebush123 15
caught brown handed
thismomma 1
Oh my little girl cutycat136, first you are 17. So when you pay for all your stuff yourself and have a job and pop out a few kids..and live on your own..then and only then can you give advice on financial matters.. second that stuff is not good advice. Don't steal is..you can't just drop your data plan without changing your contract depending on companies..you can't just drop satellite tv either due to contract requirments. Now to OP you can find toilet paper for pretty cheap at walmart. IT is not great toilet paper but it works. Also when you get paid. there is a one ply paper we get from walmart. it is Great Value brand..It doesn't sound nice but you get a big package and it last forever!! I have 4 in my family and we only have to buy it every couple of months.