Today, I forgot my phone in a restaurant bathroom because I was too distracted trying to steal three rolls of toilet paper without anyone noticing. After sinking that low because I was too broke to buy my own toilet roll, I'm now also in the market for a new phone. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I left my phone at work. After returning to the office to retrieve it, I noticed it was not on my desk as it usually is. I went to the front office and found it on the desk, unattended. When turning on my phone, I was greeted by my new lockscreen: a crap someone took in the bathroom. FML
Today, I was checking my phone while using the toilet. In a distressing moment of my brain mixing up the signals to my hands, I dropped my phone into the bowl and pressed my thumb into the shitty paper to turn it off. FML
Today, my financial situation is so dire that I tried to steal toilet paper from work. I got caught. FML
Today, I lost my cell phone. But found it again! And then dropped it in the toilet. FML
Today, I did a "dine and dash" and left my phone in the restaurant. The owner answered my phone call. FML
Today, I was getting groceries and realized at checkout that I forgot my wallet. The cashier gave me a sympathetic look as I frantically tried to unlock my phone to pay with an app, and watched as I accidentally called my ex on speakerphone. FML
Today, I accidentally left my cell phone at the restaurant. When I realized my mistake, I went back to see if anyone had found it. They said no, so I gave them my number to call if it turned up. I realized later that I'd given them my cell phone number. FML
Today, in desperate need of a shit, I quickly ran into a shop to buy toilet paper. I rushed home and unleashed, only to realise I'd bought paper towels. Without options, I had to wipe my ass with them and consequently blocked the toilet. I found rolls of toilet paper while looking for the plunger. FML
Today, after frantically searching my house and office and calling every place I'd visited in the last 24 hours, I finally found my phone in my fridge. FML
Today, I set my phone down at work in the back while I helped a customer. When I came back it was gone. It took me twenty minutes to find, duct taped to the ceiling. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
You can tie a long string between two of the toilet paper roll cores and, voilà, you have a phone!
kloring1 15
You can afford to eat out but don't have money for toilet paper? Interesting priorities...
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Comments (22)
assassinmaster 22
Go back to the restaurant and try to exchange your phone back with 3 toilet rolls:)
RichardPencil 32
You can tie a long string between two of the toilet paper roll cores and, voilà, you have a phone!
thelittlem 15
wow I had to do the same once at the gym because I was broke too. I had to jump straight in the shower after going to the toilet before then.
THARKI LUND 1
You mean, you are in market to steal a phone now. ?
somedudesomewher 29
Get a bidet. You will never have to use toilet paper ever again. Problem solved.
jkjorn 18
Except bidets cost money too, probably way more than OP has.
somedudesomewher 29
Fair point. In that case get a hand bidet. Those cost far less and work well for years. Most of them even come with warranty.
kloring1 15
You can afford to eat out but don't have money for toilet paper? Interesting priorities...
Jenmic 16
He could of just walked into a restaurant bathroom just to steal toilet paper. Not that your theory is impossible.
lukcy_basartd 11
She coulda just walked in the restaurant to boost toilet paper.
lukcy_basartd 11
She coulda just walked in the restaurant to boost toilet paper.
GofuckY0urSe1f 2
or someone one else took him out to eat and thats another theory
ElusiveMee 6
You're pretty much wiped out now.
GIJoefan 6
So you're the one who took the toilet paper from the mall the other day.
URBeingLied2 23
All the people who voted "You Deserve It," have no idea what's it's like to be broke as ****.
CSpencer2015 1
Can't afford toilet paper but can afford a smart phone... seems legit.
Colon_Man 17
If you're that broke go back to mom and dad's house. (If anything, just to steal toilet paper)