Today, my ex dropped by to pick up a piece of art he'd left when I threw him out a month ago. While here, he visited the restroom. Tonight, my shampoo smelled like urine. And he called at 11pm to say he'd ''rubbed one out'' on my new boyfriend's toothbrush. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML
Today, my ex-girlfriend moved out. I came back to a sparsely furnished home; she'd even taken the shower head, my beard trimmer, and the soap from the bathroom. FML
Today, after our old roommate left because he was too dirty for us to live with anymore, we found out that our new roommate has "borrowed" our shampoo, towel, toilet paper, liquor, without replacing them. I wish we still only had to clean up. FML
Today, my boyfriend confessed that after every fight we have, he dips my toothbrush in the toilet. FML
Today, I let my boyfriend sleep over at my house for the first time. Upon arriving, he tossed his stuff on the floor and said "I gotta take a piss, where's your shower?" FML
Today, I found out my roommate had mistaken my toothbrush for his dog's. So for the last month he's been using my toothbrush on his dog. The dog's favorite meal? Fresh cat poop. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm "high maintenance." I'd only asked him to use deodorant and brush his teeth. He hasn't had a shower in over a week. FML
Today, my housemate walked out of the bathroom with my toothbrush in his mouth and asked, "You're not one of those people who cares if someone uses their toothbrush, are you?" FML
Today, after I had the place to myself for a while and it was easy to clean, my roommate returned and I woke up to trash piling up, dishes everywhere, and luggage full of sweaty laundry. Oh, and it smells like poo again, because he doesn't regularly shower. I want to scream. FML
Today, my ex-boyfriend, who broke up with me the day before yesterday, got a job at my workplace. He shows up dressed his best clothes, clean-shaven, and with perfume. For the 10 months we dated, I only saw him in baggy tops, sweatpants, a weird beard, and the smell of sweat. FML
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Top comments
KBear3109 29
Have him arrested!
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
Well revenge is a dish best served cold...
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Comments (86)
mrperspire 4
Your new boyfriend already lives with you after a month? Little fast.
ObeyStudKing 4
What a ******* douche. Call him up a month from now claiming you.forgot something at his place. Put Nair In his shampoo, laxatives In his milk, put holes In all his condoms. Get his clothes throw them In the tub pouring bleach on them. Grab his pornos and crush them ALL. Put draino In his car engine and if you really want to top it off sell his game systems along with his games. Karma baby karma :-) .
Tuffay 14
That still won't make you a man...HaHaHa
gracehi 33
That might work. It may also simply start an ever escalating cycle of property destruction. It may be best for OP to let her ex feel like he's had his revenge and know that he's the still the one who got dumped while she has a new boyfriend.
cynical4life 4
Exactly!!!...Big deal, a bottle of shampoo and a cheap toothbrush.... As quick as this gal goes through boyfriends she probably has to replace those often anyway
nuffsaidboutthat 4
Not sure if I would advocate the condom idea. Why should a child be born to this immature thing? Also you do not get to control karma, this is just simply good old fashioned revenge
whyusofat 17
NOOOOO not the pornos. :(
m_2_teh_c 6
With a tooth brush....?
mtricia 4
Your new boyfriend already has a tooth brush at your place, wow your a fast aren't you!!! Yikes
DMIN11 4
wow that was quick 1 month
AH1Zviper 15
That's a bit EXtreme.
FireFlie07 20
Yeah, good move getting rid of that one.
amiewithaj 13
Am I the only one noticing a new guy moving in within a month? *****.
THE_A_TEEN 28
Do you even know what ***** means? For all we know, her boyfriend doesn't live there and just leaves his tooth brush there just in case, which the boyfriend thought it belonged to OP.
cornielious 1
I can only assume ydi
darawbs 0
YDI for letting an ex into your place...