Today, my wife asked me to come upstairs, all sexy like. I was sceptical, but I went upstairs after her. When I got there, she handed me a drill and told me to finally get on with building the flat pack dressing table. This is the reason I am sceptical. Romance is a lie kids, never get married. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML
Today, my girlfriend sent me a bunch of sexy pics and said to come over to her place. I thought she was in the mood for sex. Nope, she just wanted me to come over and hang a shelf, after which she sent me back home. FML
Today, my wife and I decided to try role-playing. I started cleaning the pool. waiting for her to come out and be sexy, but she never did. I'd cleaned the entire pool before going into the house to ask why she never came out. She said she tricked me into cleaning the pool. FML
Today, I was trying to give my girlfriend an orgasm as she was lying on her back. I asked her, "How do you like that, baby?" She responded by asking where I bought my suspended ceiling and spotlights, as she thought they would look good in her flat. She apparently got bored instead of turned on. FML
Today, I was washing the dishes when my wife came in wearing a new lingerie set, smiling at me. I dropped what I was doing and carried her to bed. After we'd finished, she went downstairs for a drink, saw the dishes I hadn't cleaned, and started a fight. Now I'm on the couch. FML
Today, my husband hasn’t touched me in ages. I bought sexy lingerie and walked around the house in them. My husband wouldn’t budge. When I asked him why he didn't want to get physical, he told me, “You want me to be honest? Do some sit ups and butt squats, then I’ll be all over you like cheese on macaroni.” FML
Today, after days of my wife nagging me, I started working on the flat pack furniture she ordered. Every twenty minutes, she interrupted me to demand I stop and help her with something trivial and irrelevant. Now I remember why I postpone projects as long as possible. FML
Today, I got off early from work to catch my wife screwing her co-worker in our bed. I ask her what I did to deserve this. She told me she was “lonely” and that he “always makes her feel like a woman,” unlike me. She would come home from work and I would initiate intimacy, but she would decline every time. FML
Today, my wife asked me to come talk to her in the bedroom. Thinking she wanted to have a quickie while her sister was spending time with our son, I rushed into the room. She didn't want a quickie, she wanted a divorce. FML
Today, I decided to put on some sexy lingerie and wait for my husband to come home to surprise him. He took one look at me and immediately accused me of cheating. He was convinced my explanation was a lie and that I'd rushed some guy out the back door when he came home. FML
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Top comments
Hangryko 32
Is it really marriage that's the lie, or is it you actually following through with anything you say? YDI
TomeDr 25
Maybe do some of the chores around the house that she’s asked you to do the FIRST time she asks instead of putting them off for so long that she feels the need to trick you? Hmmm?
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Comments (8)
Hangryko 32
Is it really marriage that's the lie, or is it you actually following through with anything you say? YDI
TomeDr 25
Maybe do some of the chores around the house that she’s asked you to do the FIRST time she asks instead of putting them off for so long that she feels the need to trick you? Hmmm?
QueenSaru 28
It's a dressing table. It's probably hers. Why isn't she putting it together?
BurnInDemonFire 39
Maybe she struggles to follow the instructions? Or maybe OP promised he'd do it?
Ben Deigheau 8
If the job was already done, maybe it wouldn’t have been a lie.
Doom_Kitty 14
Yeah sorry but nothing more unsexy than a grown up man behaving like your teenage son^^
RichardPencil 32
But procrastination is the truth? Slap together your IKEA piece and maybe you'll get some fun drilling in, if you know what I mean. ;)
J_Free_Woods 29
YDI. If you’re anything like my son, you procrastinate hours to days after something was said. Get a monthly whiteboard and have her put down what day she expects you to get the chore done and *= most important **=second most important, etc. Don’t wait until the last second to do something either. As for telling people don’t get married. That’s not fair to the people who are actually in an equal partnership.
Ben Deigheau 8
Even that’s more labor than someone should have to do. If two people are living in the same house they should both know what needs to be done. One of them shouldn’t have to supervise the other.
Crowned Sataness 12
Do some of the things she asks you to do and help with chores and maybe you would get some. If she's exhausted from doing everything herself, she's not gonna have energy or desire for sex. I worked 70 hour weeks living alone and had a flat pack built in 2 days. and I'm a woman. there's no excuse why you dicked around so long she had to trick you