Today, my ex dropped by to pick up a piece of art he'd left when I threw him out a month ago. While here, he visited the restroom. Tonight, my shampoo smelled like urine. And he called at 11pm to say he'd ''rubbed one out'' on my new boyfriend's toothbrush. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML
Today, my ex-girlfriend moved out. I came back to a sparsely furnished home; she'd even taken the shower head, my beard trimmer, and the soap from the bathroom. FML
Today, after our old roommate left because he was too dirty for us to live with anymore, we found out that our new roommate has "borrowed" our shampoo, towel, toilet paper, liquor, without replacing them. I wish we still only had to clean up. FML
Today, my boyfriend confessed that after every fight we have, he dips my toothbrush in the toilet. FML
Today, I let my boyfriend sleep over at my house for the first time. Upon arriving, he tossed his stuff on the floor and said "I gotta take a piss, where's your shower?" FML
Today, I found out my roommate had mistaken my toothbrush for his dog's. So for the last month he's been using my toothbrush on his dog. The dog's favorite meal? Fresh cat poop. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm "high maintenance." I'd only asked him to use deodorant and brush his teeth. He hasn't had a shower in over a week. FML
Today, my housemate walked out of the bathroom with my toothbrush in his mouth and asked, "You're not one of those people who cares if someone uses their toothbrush, are you?" FML
Today, after I had the place to myself for a while and it was easy to clean, my roommate returned and I woke up to trash piling up, dishes everywhere, and luggage full of sweaty laundry. Oh, and it smells like poo again, because he doesn't regularly shower. I want to scream. FML
Today, my ex-boyfriend, who broke up with me the day before yesterday, got a job at my workplace. He shows up dressed his best clothes, clean-shaven, and with perfume. For the 10 months we dated, I only saw him in baggy tops, sweatpants, a weird beard, and the smell of sweat. FML
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Top comments
KBear3109 29
Have him arrested!
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
Well revenge is a dish best served cold...
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Comments (86)
Failbot1986 3
As of 2009 it's actually a second-degree sex crime to expose another person to your ejaculate against their will. You can actually thank gangs for that one.
KBear3109 29
Yes! Thank you, someone with some sense enough to do research!
XxQueenofPuppets 10
OP should report him and press charges. I bet Megan's Law would mature him a little.
XxQueenofPuppets 10
I would have him arrested and press charges. Maybe Megan's Law will wake him up a bit
jmoreno 4
Obviously he has some built up animosity towards you here's what you do you call him tell him you and your bf broke up then he comes over and you kick him In the balls!
zocator 4
Your ex, my hero
DocBastard 40
If that is that case, then you are just as disgusting as he is. Congratulations.
GothickNihilist 15
If that is your idea of a hero, many people would rather be a villain in your eyes.
kiwienne 21
He's no hero. I hope if he tells this story to any of his friends, they'll tell him he's a disgusting fool who just proved that she made the right choice instead of patting his shoulder and screaming "gj bro". But someone as stupid as him probably won't have very sensible friends :/
emeraldisle 30
47 - congrats on your shitty first comment.
center 5
Confirms that you were right to toss the wanker out on his butt.
william8691 10
I don't always urinate in my ex's shampoo bottle, but when I do I also rub one out on her boyfriend's toothbrush..
Lucious306 7
Shouldn't have let him in to your bathroom
ryndmere 1
B Mmo N
GothickNihilist 15
Use the toothbrush and urine to create a mixed media masterpiece . You can say it was inspired by the works of Bosquiat!
GothickNihilist 15
Basquiat . Sorry for the typo.
gracehi 33
The typo is all you're sorry for?
GothickNihilist 15
You obviously never have heard of Jean-Michl Basquiot's famous "condensation art" . They are more commonly known as the "piss paintings" . Considering all of his work is in the $4million to $28 million range, clearly his avant garde work is insanely popular . I understand most people won't understand my comment, and I'm truly sorry if I've offended anyone .Have a nice day.
GothickNihilist 15
Sorry . I haven't slept in four days and I'm having trouble with my vision again . I apologize .
PrincessPesa 20
Try Jackson Pollock, at least, man.
joshcolon117 1
******* amazin!!
dolphins_penny 5
since the whole story isn't on here I'm going to have to side with OP. she should call the cops. but we don't know the nature of the break up so maybe she deserved it. but with the given information, call the cops on his ass and have the toothbrush and shampoo tested for DNA. that is illegal to do, who knows what he could have or anything. pee can cause severe burns in some cases and bacterial infections. not even counting the possibility of diseases. what happens if that pee shampoo gets in her eye and op gets a staff infection from it. his "prank" to get you back is more like biological warfare.