Today, my ex dropped by to pick up a piece of art he'd left when I threw him out a month ago. While here, he visited the restroom. Tonight, my shampoo smelled like urine. And he called at 11pm to say he'd ''rubbed one out'' on my new boyfriend's toothbrush. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML
Today, my ex-girlfriend moved out. I came back to a sparsely furnished home; she'd even taken the shower head, my beard trimmer, and the soap from the bathroom. FML
Today, after our old roommate left because he was too dirty for us to live with anymore, we found out that our new roommate has "borrowed" our shampoo, towel, toilet paper, liquor, without replacing them. I wish we still only had to clean up. FML
Today, my boyfriend confessed that after every fight we have, he dips my toothbrush in the toilet. FML
Today, I let my boyfriend sleep over at my house for the first time. Upon arriving, he tossed his stuff on the floor and said "I gotta take a piss, where's your shower?" FML
Today, I found out my roommate had mistaken my toothbrush for his dog's. So for the last month he's been using my toothbrush on his dog. The dog's favorite meal? Fresh cat poop. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm "high maintenance." I'd only asked him to use deodorant and brush his teeth. He hasn't had a shower in over a week. FML
Today, my housemate walked out of the bathroom with my toothbrush in his mouth and asked, "You're not one of those people who cares if someone uses their toothbrush, are you?" FML
Today, after I had the place to myself for a while and it was easy to clean, my roommate returned and I woke up to trash piling up, dishes everywhere, and luggage full of sweaty laundry. Oh, and it smells like poo again, because he doesn't regularly shower. I want to scream. FML
Today, my ex-boyfriend, who broke up with me the day before yesterday, got a job at my workplace. He shows up dressed his best clothes, clean-shaven, and with perfume. For the 10 months we dated, I only saw him in baggy tops, sweatpants, a weird beard, and the smell of sweat. FML
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Top comments
KBear3109 29
Have him arrested!
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
Well revenge is a dish best served cold...
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Comments (86)
allplayedout 20
Call the cops and let him see how much he likes rubbing one out on Assaultin' Alfred's toothbrush
pinchepandy 1
Is no one else going to point out this ***** has a different dude living with her within the month?
shutup_matt 5
FIRST
xxlfatty08 4
Well you have three options that I see. 1 is call the cops(embarrassing) 2 do nothing but write an fml about it 3 use it as blackmail and get your revenge ... option 3 may be illegal but so is what he did :)
NigerianMedicine 11
Simple yet elegant style. I like it.
TheyCallMeDamien 18
It'd be a shame if his cars tires were ruined.
Iniezian 18
How do you "throw someone out" anyway? I thought when a couple moved in together, they co-own the house.
noisebox 1
Boy just like a woman, you have another guy el-pronto after kicking one out!
myztwenty8 4
what kind of idiot lets their ex back in their house that what u get
KxRiv1927 1
Why the hell did you A)Invite him in & B) Let him use your restroom?! You kinda set yourself up for that one....