Today, my ex dropped by to pick up a piece of art he'd left when I threw him out a month ago. While here, he visited the restroom. Tonight, my shampoo smelled like urine. And he called at 11pm to say he'd ''rubbed one out'' on my new boyfriend's toothbrush. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML
Today, my ex-girlfriend moved out. I came back to a sparsely furnished home; she'd even taken the shower head, my beard trimmer, and the soap from the bathroom. FML
Today, after our old roommate left because he was too dirty for us to live with anymore, we found out that our new roommate has "borrowed" our shampoo, towel, toilet paper, liquor, without replacing them. I wish we still only had to clean up. FML
Today, my boyfriend confessed that after every fight we have, he dips my toothbrush in the toilet. FML
Today, I let my boyfriend sleep over at my house for the first time. Upon arriving, he tossed his stuff on the floor and said "I gotta take a piss, where's your shower?" FML
Today, I found out my roommate had mistaken my toothbrush for his dog's. So for the last month he's been using my toothbrush on his dog. The dog's favorite meal? Fresh cat poop. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm "high maintenance." I'd only asked him to use deodorant and brush his teeth. He hasn't had a shower in over a week. FML
Today, my housemate walked out of the bathroom with my toothbrush in his mouth and asked, "You're not one of those people who cares if someone uses their toothbrush, are you?" FML
Today, after I had the place to myself for a while and it was easy to clean, my roommate returned and I woke up to trash piling up, dishes everywhere, and luggage full of sweaty laundry. Oh, and it smells like poo again, because he doesn't regularly shower. I want to scream. FML
Today, my ex-boyfriend, who broke up with me the day before yesterday, got a job at my workplace. He shows up dressed his best clothes, clean-shaven, and with perfume. For the 10 months we dated, I only saw him in baggy tops, sweatpants, a weird beard, and the smell of sweat. FML
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Top comments
KBear3109 29
Have him arrested!
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
Well revenge is a dish best served cold...
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Comments (86)
ItzMeGuyz 3
Have a new bf that quick, who is already living with you? Not antagonizing just questioning. New to this whole relationship thing. Don't know what appropriate time of from one relationship is enough.
MissMess 12
Just because he has a toothbrush there doesn't mean he lives with her. It's just good hygiene if he is spending the night.
doodlecloud 27
Well it's possible that they've actually been dating for ages and old boyfriend is just really slow at collecting his crap...it takes some couples years to get to the point where they can talk to each other again, arrange to collect things and actually follow through said plans until EVERYTHING is collected. And OP is just calling her current boyfriend 'new' to avoid confusion.
doodlecloud 27
Oh, my bad, I missed the 'month' part.
monkeyy22 6
63 - the FML says that the ex was thrown out a month ago. They might have broken up before, though.
kenbarbz72 0
I'd say make up an excuse to go to his house and rub shit all over his room. Let's see how funny he thinks that would be. Asshole.
gracehi 33
I WOULD say he's an immature douche and you did well to dump his ass...on the other hand, I don't know why you threw him out. Are you sure you did nothing to deserve this, OP? Did he perhaps **** on your new boyfriend's toothbrush because he is the reason you threw your ex out? Just speculating here.
Solipsist 12
it's disturbing how many of you appear to think it's legal to piss and **** on other people's things...
gracehi 33
Just because it isn't legal, doesn't mean it isn't deserved.
gracehi 33
Again, not saying that OP necessarily deserves it. I can't make a judgment on that without knowing what happened between OP and her ex. I'm just saying that just because retaliation for a wrong is illegal doesn't mean that retaliation isn't deserved. For example, someone murders my mom. As the police are escorting the murderer to jail, I assassinate him. I will be convicted of murder, but that doesn't mean my mother's murderer didn't deserve to die. I'm not advocating vigilantism, but if you treat other people like shit, don't be surprised if someone responds in kind. In this case, if OP did seriously wrong her ex, there was likely no legal avenue for him to take against her, so he simply took matters into his own hands.
Pinwheel 10
I can really see no circumstances under which this can be an appropriate form of revenge. And the new boyfriend did what exactly? You might think the murder of someones mom deserves to die (coming from a country with no death penalty I wouldn´t even agree on that) but that does not give anyone the right to kill him and maybe a couple of more or less innocent bystanders as well (the boyfriend).
gracehi 33
We don't know what her new boyfriend did. For all we know he could have been sleeping with OP.while she and her ex were still together. In any case, I'm not saying that OP's ex was right in what he did, whether or not he has a legitimate grievance against OP, or that we should go around exacting revenge againsteveryone who wrongs us. I'm just saying that OP may have had something like this coming.
Pinwheel 10
As I said I can´t see circumstances justifying what he did. Cheating is a bad thing (if that´s what happened) and a reason to be angry but this can not be the right answer to solve the problem.
dougiewhale 6
Has it occurred to anyone that she may have done something to deserve it? We don't have the full story. I friend's ex wife cheated on him, so he did almost the same thing. He rubbed one out in her face wash, though. I'm just saying is all.
kenbarbz72 0
Even if that's true, 2 wrongs should not make a right.
dougiewhale 6
*my* Here come the grammar police.
Harpy20 24
But doesn't that just help her face??
Solipsist 12
how awful, I would go to the police
KBear3109 29
Thank you! That's what I said.
realaz_fml 4
A month ago? So within a month you already have a boyfriend who is living with you.
monkeyy22 6
He could just have a toothbrush at her house, doesn't mean he lives there. Or maybe he was the reason why she broke up with her ex.
your_ma 27
Still a month is pretty soon to be leaving a spare toothbrush there as well!
taranpreet 7
Maybe the problems were building in the relationship and she fell in love with her new bf from before she made the final decision to throw out her ex..just a suggestion.
DocBastard 40
This is exactly why I have security cameras installed in all my restrooms. No really, it's only in case jealous, sociopathic ex-girlfriends drop by to pick up stuff and use the restroom and try any sort of monkey business while they're here. I swear.
mskimbelinapham 5
You probably did him wrong, that's why!
sayahiei 7
How immature...
TheRosySnail 3
So...you "kicked him out" a month ago and already have another live-in boyfriend?... I might be mad at you too...
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
yeah I agree, everyone is bitching about the ex. Who knows, maybe she cheated on him with that other guy and then kicked him out to let the new guy move in. One month seems like a very short time to jump from one living in boyfriend to another if nothing happened before...
kiwienne 21
We can never know. If the ex treated her like a little princess, she should've definitely given it more time so he had time to heal. If he did nothing for the relationship and he's just a jealous little bitch because he's used to always getting what he want, she doesn't really owe him much :)