Today, my dog threw up on my bed while I was sleeping. I lost an hour of the day washing the vomit out with a rag, and my garbage disposal jammed on whatever otherworldly things my dog ate the day before. I had to dig it out by hand. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dog had REALLY bad diarrhea. I found that out when I woke up to find it all over my bed. FML
Today, instead of waking up to soft sunlight creeping in the window or the gentle trill of birds, I was awakened by the sound of my dog vomiting all over my bed. FML
Today, my dog overturned and ate my trash, leaving coffee grounds and dog puke all over my floor. She also ate the broom. FML
Today, my dog threw up on the tiled floor. I found out at 6 this morning in the dark when I slipped and fell in it. FML
Today, my dog woke me up with the sound of vomiting. I immediately got up and tried to figure out what he was doing. After 30 minutes, he didn’t vomit, just kept making the sounds. I banished him from my presence for some more shuteye. FML
Today, I was woken up by a funky smell. My dog had eaten a dead bird and thrown up all over my bed and floor. At 4 o'clock in the morning I had to clean up regurgitated bits of bird, feathers, blood and dog food. The smell still hasn't gone away. FML
Today, I woke up approximately half a nanosecond after my dog involuntarily vomited in bed. On my face. I opened my mouth because it literally filled my nose. I swallowed out of reflex before I was fully awake. FML
Today, I got a new comfy duvet and pillow and was looking forward to a good night's sleep. I got into bed and was followed by my dog, who then threw up the tub of butter he had just stolen from the kitchen onto my brand new bed spread. FML
Today, I discovered my dog pooped in my bed, under the covers, by rolling over onto it. FML
Today, I couldn’t tell that my puppy had an upset stomach before I left for work. I came home to her covered in shit inside her crate. After cleaning her up and almost being done with the mess, my husband found where she had tried to lick herself clean and then vomited it up in our bedroom. FML
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Top comments
Pentium_4 27
man, being a dog would be quite the life. while you're cleaning up the mess they made, he/she is probably relaxing on the couch licking their privates
theWINDOWmonster 3
Why would you put it in the disposal? As opposed to something that makes more sense, like ohh.. the trash?
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Comments (46)
Pelreskovich 11
Yummy, dig that vomit out with a spoon and save yourself the dinner bill! ..no, actually don't, I gagged while writing that.
ScarletBloom 14
Man's best friend.
A100893 30
Sorry, this might seem immature, but... Yuck.
theWINDOWmonster 3
Why would you put it in the disposal? As opposed to something that makes more sense, like ohh.. the trash?
ElegantlyLovelyy 6
I thought I was the only person thinking this like wtf? Lol the garbage bin would have done much justice to the situation
nofearjenshere 12
And didn't OP's mother teach him never to put your hands down a garbage disposal ... Especially when reaching for dog vomit... Gross.
rubberduckie94 13
He was letting you know he prefers a different brand of dog food.
perdix 31
The otherworldly things you handled were shit and dead animal remains.
nanna_21D 1
Dude yesterday morning the same thing happened to me. My dog ate out of the trash when I wasn't around and she threw up on my bed at 6 in the morning. I tried throwing her off the bed so she can go on the floor instead of my bed. Didn't work cuz I had it on my floor and bed -__-
derkster 6
Lmao ur dog uses the garbage disposal? :p
DocBastard 40
This is EXACTLY why I don't have a pet. Well, that and because I'm a cold-hearted ass who is completely incapable of caring for anyone or anything not named "Bastard".
Pentium_4 27
so you must like Arrogant Bastard Ale? good stuff
rubberduckie94 13
You could have dog bastard, come on give it a try. Your kids would love it.
mockingjaygirl16 8
sry man! can't get much worse than that, so hold your head high and smile!