Today, instead of waking up to soft sunlight creeping in the window or the gentle trill of birds, I was awakened by the sound of my dog vomiting all over my bed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dog woke me up with the sound of vomiting. I immediately got up and tried to figure out what he was doing. After 30 minutes, he didn’t vomit, just kept making the sounds. I banished him from my presence for some more shuteye. FML
Today, my dog had REALLY bad diarrhea. I found that out when I woke up to find it all over my bed. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dog scratching at my door. After a while of this, I finally got up to let her in. When I opened the door, she looked at me, threw up, and scurried away. FML
Today, I was woken up by a funky smell. My dog had eaten a dead bird and thrown up all over my bed and floor. At 4 o'clock in the morning I had to clean up regurgitated bits of bird, feathers, blood and dog food. The smell still hasn't gone away. FML
Today, I noticed that my dog was feeling sad. I let him hop on my bed with me to make him feel better. It worked, right after he vomited all over my face and pillow. FML
Today, my dog threw up on my bed while I was sleeping. I lost an hour of the day washing the vomit out with a rag, and my garbage disposal jammed on whatever otherworldly things my dog ate the day before. I had to dig it out by hand. FML
Today, I woke up approximately half a nanosecond after my dog involuntarily vomited in bed. On my face. I opened my mouth because it literally filled my nose. I swallowed out of reflex before I was fully awake. FML
Today, I was napping with my boyfriend and his dog. The dog was making odd coughing noises, but my boyfriend refused to kick him out of the bed. A few moments later, I rolled onto my stomach, into a pile of dog vomit. FML
Today, as I was trying to fall asleep, I was jolted awake by my oldest cat who'd decided it would be perfect to power-puke all over my bed. FML
Today, I woke up at 5 a.m. to my dog jumping off of my bed. No big deal. I rolled over to the other side of the bed to fall back asleep and my face landed right in a puddle of his pee. I tasted it. FML
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Top comments
yankfan89 27
Be glad the dog wasn't puking on your face
raney150 0
Not to self: stop reading fmls while eating.
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Comments (104)
sandracore 15
be glad it wasn't the smell that woke you
beccaishereyay 11
I'm pretty sure he smelled it when he woke up anyway haha. Waking up to puke through any of your senses is not a good way to start your morning!
outch_fml 0
Well, it's not possible to smell when your asleep, your brain shuts off that sense until you wake up.
outch_fml 0
Well, it's not possible to smell when your asleep, your brain shuts off that sense until you wake up.
beccaishereyay 11
So how do you explain people using smelling salts when trying to wake someone who has passed out. Or people who wake up during house fires without smoke alarms. Haven't you ever even waken up to the smell of bacon in the morning?? Poor people like you who can't smell in their sleep are missing out!
Cad6 24
It was the sound of the dog vomiting...so I assume the dog must have been retching pretty hard. Poor doggy :(
outch_fml 0
True, obviously your brain can detect thick clouds of ash that your breathing in your lungs. I ment still smells like dust, smelly laundry or whatever you have in your room that you breathe in, the only reason you know you smelt bacon is because your acutely awake, not when your asleep
outch_fml 0
It is an irritant to the inside of your nose. You don't "smell" things, only react to irritants! Ask your local fireman!
Cad6 24
Why are we talking about smells? Hasn't it been established that it was the sound of the vomiting, because you know, that's what the OP said?
TheElderTROLLZ 15
I bet the dog was like "Clean it up, you dirty peasant!" Don't ask me why I said that.
Jonkbaby 23
why would you set that on your phone as an alarm to wake up to I mean, weird
Cad6 24
#60 - Why did you say that?
Jonkbaby 23
^I don't care if I get voted down, that was hilarious
aaahhhfire21 0
Count ur blessings u didn't wake up to doggy diarrhea in ur bed gaurantee way worse
beccaishereyay 11
well since new vomit is not a "still smell" your comment is till pointless
beccaishereyay 11
I also notice that you googled this, found practically the ONLY theory that said that smelling in your sleep is impossible, then copied and pasted the answer (from answerbag) to sound like you know what your talking about. I also googled this and found that you CAN smell in your sleep but may not be aware that you are in fact smelling. Obviously you will realize it when you wake up to it.
jomo111 5
My dog did that to my sister and my parents. so I was lucky but not to much my family members.
yankfan89 27
Be glad the dog wasn't puking on your face
Nevereverland 8
Get back at him by throwing up on his bed!
s0m3guy2010 21
41- Breakfast in bed for everyone? No need to waste leftovers.
Nevereverland 8
No waste they just gotta fry the puke and eat it again thats what i do when im still hungry after a meal.
bryanorange 3
My dog peed on my face while I was asleep.
shanemaximo 7
There are still worse things to wake up to. Like sudden rape. Sudden rape is much, much worse.
HeartOfLead 24
In that case... Dirty mouth? Clean it up with... Nah even Orbits couldn't help that situation.
chris36taylor 2
Your avatar looks like aPenis...
inferiarmy 0
Yummy
thenoobftw 3
It made him mourning breakfast... Enjoy!
THE_A_TEEN 28
I doubt a mourning breakfast should be enjoyable.
THE_A_TEEN 28
I doubt a mourning breakfast should be enjoyable.
shanemaximo 7
There are much worse ways to wake up. Like sudden rape. Yep... Sudden rape is much, much worse.
mitchiemoto 7
Not really I just had the exact same thing happen to me yesterday. You cant go back to sleep woth no sheets or blankets. So I got up and shoveled snow for 4 hour before school.
eyecon502 13
Those are the times I'm not too fond of my dogs. :-p
DocBastard 40
At least it was just the *sound* of the dog vomiting and not the actual vomiting. I'm just curious why you would record that sound and use it as an alarm. Whatever it takes to get you out of bed in the morning, I suppose.
micahsmommy 13
I prefer the sound of my son cooing in his crib but to each his own I guess.
ladyLALAA 29
Haha that was such a "dad joke", Doc.
raney150 0
Not to self: stop reading fmls while eating.
micahsmommy 13
Thanks for the advice but why won't you let it be for yourself too?
loserman67 36
*Note* -- come get me grammer Nazi's..........
raney150 0
D'oh stupid typo. Note*
Zmeilerr 22
That sick son of a bitch.
swimmersrok 0
Nice choice of words...
afdude87 6
Hey, at least it didn't vomit on your face.
tylersign 11
I wonder if that's what 2 said.
copo37 7
At least you didn't wake up to your dog going to mcpound town on your pillow.
The_Troller 14
I can only imagine how loud it must've been if it was able to wake you up, OP. Even if you're a light sleeper it would still have to be pretty loud.