Today, after spending the night with my girlfriend for the first time, I discovered why she would always want to rush home after dinner dates. Her stomach gurgles so loudly after eating, I can hear it in the next room over, with the TV on. This apparently happens no matter what she eats. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I made a healthy, delicious dinner. My girlfriend picked at it until it went cold, then stuck it in the fridge. Later, she devoured a giant bowl of sugary cereal, then complained all night that her stomach hurt. This happens a lot. FML
Today, my girlfriend is mad at me. Apparently in her country, not burping after a meal is very rude, and means you think their cooking skill is bad. I get throat gurgles, not burps. I tried to explain, but she thinks I made up a fake condition. It’s not fake, just so rare it’s unheard of. FML
Today, I went on a date with an amazing girl. The date was going well, until she started eating. Although her mouth was closed the entire time, she somehow still made the loudest, most disgusting chewing noises I’ve ever heard. I felt bad about dumping her over that, but I just couldn’t continue. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were out to dinner. She had to use the bathroom, so she went, but the food came while she was in there. She came out, yelling at me for ordering the food to come that exact time, then she broke up with me. FML
Today, I tried a new medicine in hopes that it would stop my stomach from constantly growling. Turns out, my body can either digest loudly, or not at all. I’ve been full for three days after one regular-sized meal. FML
Today, I was out on my first date in months. My stomach didn’t feel quite right after dinner, but I tried to ignore it. During the movie, it got so bad I decided to try to sneak a small fart for relief. As soon as I did, the theater fell dead silent. My fart practically echoed in the silence. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, I went to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time. While I was at their house I got a tummy ache, then had loud explosive diarrhea. Twice. They definitely heard it all. FML
Today, my girlfriend bitched that we spend too much money on food, and needed to start cooking to save money. I got home from work and started dinner. Halfway through, my girlfriend sighed and said, "This is taking too long, I'll order pizza." FML
Today, I went out on a date with a cute girl. Everything was going great, until the food arrived. She not only shoveled food into her mouth like it was going to run away, she also smacked, sucked her fingers and laughed out loud with her mouth completely full. It was like dining with a 5-year-old. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
slkeithh 14
Poor girl. I hope she gets a professional opinion from a doctor, that sounds extremely uncomfortable and very abnormal. Could be a GI disease or IBD. Definitely worth a doctor visit, and I hope you didn't judge her for it!
jc1015 25
sounds more like a **** her life because she's gotta deal with your whiny insensitive ass along with a possibly serious health issue.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (4)
slkeithh 14
Poor girl. I hope she gets a professional opinion from a doctor, that sounds extremely uncomfortable and very abnormal. Could be a GI disease or IBD. Definitely worth a doctor visit, and I hope you didn't judge her for it!
jc1015 25
feeling sorry for the girl as well and it sounds like he's judging the hell out of her...poor pitiful little boy can't concentrate on his tv show 🙄
jc1015 25
sounds more like a **** her life because she's gotta deal with your whiny insensitive ass along with a possibly serious health issue.
no0ne0890 29
I mean it would probably be a deal breaker for me for the most part. not because I care about things of that nature as well as farts, burps, etc. but because if it happens during sleeping time I would never sleep ever again. I already have trouble sleeping I can lay in a comfy bed for hours with my eyes closed and tired but I won't fall asleep unless it's dead quiet and pitch black and even then it takes a while for me to go to sleep.
Lydmyers 9
The poor thing. :( A someone who has similar ailments, this would be incredibly difficult for her both physically and emotionally. Don't make a big deal about it, and provide her comfort as she needs it. She will appreciate you so much more, for it.
Hippiechick 5
Why were you a room away with the TV on while she was staying over at your place for the first time, seems rude