Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my 7-year-old daughter came up to me in a noisy mall and said "boo-boo" pointing to her hand. Not paying enough attention, I kissed her hand to make her feel better. She grimaced and said "No dad, bird poo." FML
Today, I was holding hands with my daughter and she wanted to skip. When I went to skip I accidentally kneed her in the face. Everyone saw her holding her busted lip and pointing at me. FML
Today, after we finished making my 6 year-old daughter a net to catch an injured baby bird, when she went out to catch it she witnessed a stray cat catch and eat it. FML
Today, I was playing with my four month old daughter, flying her in the air like an airplane. I open my mouth saying 'Weeee', and she vomited on my face. FML
Today, instead of kissing my child's boo-boo on her finger to make it feel better, I accidentally headbutted her. FML
Today, while at a restaurant, I watched in horror as my daughter picked a hair out of her food and continued eating it. FML
Today, I received a medical bill because my daughter thought it would be hilarious to try and fit her fist in her mouth. She succeeded in getting it in, but not in getting it out. FML
Today, while I was babysitting, the toddler was feeding me banana slices from her tray while I was cutting up clay for her to mold. It was all fine until she shoved something hard and crunchy into my mouth. I immediately spat it out into my hand. It was a dead cricket she found on the floor. FML
Today, while I was cooking, my dogs were messing around behind me. I suddenly felt a painful bite on my ass cheek and instinctively kicked back. I then realized it was my 3-year-old daughter, who was laying on the floor crying with a nose bleed. FML
Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML
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Top comments
Quietcannon 0
She tried to scratch your face? How is she that bad with her behavior already?! She needs to be spanked.
Mudley 0
When you say "daughter," you mean "cat" right? That would make a lot more sense, in multiple places.
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Comments (108)
Tchernov9 0
Seriously? You need to send you child to some behaviour and manners management classes cause she is acting like she hasn't been taught anything about manners. Scold, spank, and slap her, you just might get a ton of diseases like Bird Flu and you might get real hurt, she has no idea what she is doing. That really sucks OP definetly FYL. @24, 14, and 5: You guys act like just a little talk to your child will make her all knit and ready to not pick up dead things like that? When you tell a child they f'd up, and spank for it, it sets off a chemical reaction into the brain saying that I shouldn't pick up dead animals because I will get in trouble, or if I pick up things that are dead and put my hand in my parents mouths, I will get in deep trouble. A talk is just a little remider you three, a spank in the noggin is carving into the brain.
perdix 31
So, did she flip you the bird? Was she able to shove the whole bird in your mouth? I hope you didn't eat it. You know the old sayng: "A bird in the hand to the mouth is better than two falcon punches to the bush." Or something like that.
sampleinajar 0
your kid has the lack of respect to scratch your face? Child abuse is one thing, but some kids just need a damn good spanking. Discipline has gone down the drain, yo.
starvingxartist 0
i'm sorry but kids like that need to be slapped. i HATE parents who let their kids get away with being little brats. like, my cousin bit her sister and broke the skin through two layers of clothes, and no punishment at all. i'm not saying you need to really hurt her, but a smack will get her attention. and also, i agree with whoever said this sounds more like you mean "cat," not "daughter"
Jules_fml 0
Part of the issue here is that we simply don't know the OP's whole story. That's the nature of FML, a quick story, and you're done. I'd say people shouldn't be so quick to judge, but this is the internet, and some text on a screen won't change anyone's inability to type and post before thinking it through. OP - Care to elaborate any to further our understanding?
WhyworldWhy 0
It happenes get used to it.
DrewsFML 8
If this was the first time the child ever picked up a dead animal, scolding is not appropriate. Scolding is only appropriate when the child is aware beforehand that what they are doing is wrong and they do it anyway. This is the time to teach a new rule and explain why it's necessary.
DrewsFML 8
if the child was never told picking up dead animals is not allowed then this is the time for teaching a new rule, not scolding.
popoman 0
New Game: If you're not a good girl, we'll put you out on the street for a day. Starting now.
did_it_4_lulz 0
Seriously. Some parents SHOULD practice that game.
IllegalLight 0
I had to read this over... I thought you were talking about your CAT... but then I saw the word daughter. Um...