Today, I'm on holiday with my boyfriend's family for the first time. Unfortunately, I have diarrhoea and keep leaving extremely smelly farts around the house. I blame the dog every time, but I think they're catching on. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time. While I was at their house I got a tummy ache, then had loud explosive diarrhea. Twice. They definitely heard it all. FML
Today, while waiting for my boyfriend to get out of the shower, I chatted with his grandma. As soon as we hear him exit the restroom, she smirks at me and lets a huge, smelly fart out. She blamed it on me. My boyfriend believed her. FML
Today, I found dog poop in my room that had probably been there for days. My girlfriend, who was watching the house, said she didn't realize it was there, because she thought it was the smell of her own farts. FML
Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML
Today, my boyfriend endearingly told me that he's been taking advantage of my inability to smell due to a head cold, and he's been farting around me whenever he pleases. FML
Today, I returned home after a four day weekend at my parents' house. Upon entering by the front door, a horrid stench assaulted my nose. Hours later I still cannot find the source of the foul odor. I'm starting to wonder if this is how it's always smelled without my knowing. FML
Today, I was on holiday over the Christmas period and ended up with food poisoning. I spent most of the time on the toilet. I think I’ll stay home next time. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were finally able to settle on having a day out together after putting it off for months because of work/other random reasons. This morning I woke up with the worst case of diarrhea I’ve ever had in my life. I won’t be leaving the bathroom anytime soon. FML
Today, my dad's new medicine for his bad intestines makes him fart so hard I can feel the vibrations through the floorboards. The whole house smells like an open sewer and he thinks it's funny. He now has to change his undies several times a day from repeatedly shitting himself. FML
Today, I got to be an innocent victim caught in the middle of a farting war between my boyfriend and my 10-year-old son. I fear my sense of smell will never recover. FML
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Top comments
BurnInDemonFire 39
Get some meds. And stop blaming the poor dog.
Alex Van Meter 6
I don't understand why people are so uptight about farts. Yes it's embarrassing but everyone gets angry stomachs and everyone farts. Fact of life.
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Comments (14)
BurnInDemonFire 39
Get some meds. And stop blaming the poor dog.
John Nemeth 14
Not a Very good first impression.... Especially since it’s a proven fact that dogs can’t fart... just kidding.... or.. am I? 🙃
Alex Van Meter 6
I don't understand why people are so uptight about farts. Yes it's embarrassing but everyone gets angry stomachs and everyone farts. Fact of life.
Shawnie Gallant 24
Holy crap, tell them you’re sick. They won’t care.
LAUGHINGKOMODO 25
No FML YET. They didn't accuse you yet. Wait till they do, then it will be a FML. Right now, all they are thinking to themselves is that their son is dating a liar, but it has not went public yet.
RichardPencil 32
You’re spelling it wrong! If we’ve learned anything this week, it’s cats get diarrhoea and dogs get diarrhea. Your mistake has probably clued in the family of your deception.
DanielleinDC 34
I believe that's the British spelling.
RichardPencil 32
I know. It’s just that earlier this week there was a story about a cat with the British spelling followed by a dog with the American spelling. I thought it would be funny to think the spelling was based on the species.
purplemonkey 7
You need to own your sticky ass before they have to spend 250$ at the vet to find out it was you farting
TumblrweedPasses 11
Gambling on farts is dangerous enough with the *****
DanielleinDC 34
They don't notice that you're making frequent trips to the bathroom?
chosha_fml 27
If you have diarrhoea, you probably shouldn’t take the chance of farting anywhere but the bathroom.