Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my 7-year-old daughter came up to me in a noisy mall and said "boo-boo" pointing to her hand. Not paying enough attention, I kissed her hand to make her feel better. She grimaced and said "No dad, bird poo." FML
Today, I was holding hands with my daughter and she wanted to skip. When I went to skip I accidentally kneed her in the face. Everyone saw her holding her busted lip and pointing at me. FML
Today, after we finished making my 6 year-old daughter a net to catch an injured baby bird, when she went out to catch it she witnessed a stray cat catch and eat it. FML
Today, I was playing with my four month old daughter, flying her in the air like an airplane. I open my mouth saying 'Weeee', and she vomited on my face. FML
Today, instead of kissing my child's boo-boo on her finger to make it feel better, I accidentally headbutted her. FML
Today, while at a restaurant, I watched in horror as my daughter picked a hair out of her food and continued eating it. FML
Today, I received a medical bill because my daughter thought it would be hilarious to try and fit her fist in her mouth. She succeeded in getting it in, but not in getting it out. FML
Today, while I was babysitting, the toddler was feeding me banana slices from her tray while I was cutting up clay for her to mold. It was all fine until she shoved something hard and crunchy into my mouth. I immediately spat it out into my hand. It was a dead cricket she found on the floor. FML
Today, while I was cooking, my dogs were messing around behind me. I suddenly felt a painful bite on my ass cheek and instinctively kicked back. I then realized it was my 3-year-old daughter, who was laying on the floor crying with a nose bleed. FML
Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Quietcannon 0
She tried to scratch your face? How is she that bad with her behavior already?! She needs to be spanked.
Mudley 0
When you say "daughter," you mean "cat" right? That would make a lot more sense, in multiple places.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (108)
letschat6 5
Yes!
Keyrae2013 0
Wow , your blown . But you should handle the fact that your child attacks you when you try to scold her .
Deitz123 2
Beat the daylights out if her!
jennifernorvell 7
Ur kid is psycho
jennifernorvell 7
Your kid tried to scratch u? Sounds like she needs a spanking. Wtf
amadisdemitrius 5
Yes discipline is important, but what I'm seeing from all the comments (which have many thumbs up) is everyone quickly saying how the kid should be spanked or harshly dealt with. You know what I noticed? That this mother went to go "scold" her daughter for being a kid and playing with a dead bird. Sounds like an agro mom to me. Kids will be kids, quite scolding them for it. Maybe if you werent such a spaz your kid wouldnt try to scratch your face.
ProgMetalMan 8
Birds are ridiculously unsanitary. That child could get tons of deadly diseases that the mother was trying to prevent.
blah2112 11
Cats have hands?
barnesburner 4
Best get to the clinic
yuma_g 1
Is your doughter a cat?
writerchic85 26
By daughter do you mean cat?