Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 7-year-old daughter came up to me in a noisy mall and said "boo-boo" pointing to her hand. Not paying enough attention, I kissed her hand to make her feel better. She grimaced and said "No dad, bird poo." FML
Today, I was holding hands with my daughter and she wanted to skip. When I went to skip I accidentally kneed her in the face. Everyone saw her holding her busted lip and pointing at me. FML
Today, after we finished making my 6 year-old daughter a net to catch an injured baby bird, when she went out to catch it she witnessed a stray cat catch and eat it. FML
Today, I was playing with my four month old daughter, flying her in the air like an airplane. I open my mouth saying 'Weeee', and she vomited on my face. FML
Today, instead of kissing my child's boo-boo on her finger to make it feel better, I accidentally headbutted her. FML
Today, while at a restaurant, I watched in horror as my daughter picked a hair out of her food and continued eating it. FML
Today, I received a medical bill because my daughter thought it would be hilarious to try and fit her fist in her mouth. She succeeded in getting it in, but not in getting it out. FML
Today, while I was babysitting, the toddler was feeding me banana slices from her tray while I was cutting up clay for her to mold. It was all fine until she shoved something hard and crunchy into my mouth. I immediately spat it out into my hand. It was a dead cricket she found on the floor. FML
Today, while I was cooking, my dogs were messing around behind me. I suddenly felt a painful bite on my ass cheek and instinctively kicked back. I then realized it was my 3-year-old daughter, who was laying on the floor crying with a nose bleed. FML
Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML
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Top comments
Quietcannon 0
She tried to scratch your face? How is she that bad with her behavior already?! She needs to be spanked.
Mudley 0
When you say "daughter," you mean "cat" right? That would make a lot more sense, in multiple places.
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Comments (108)
null_fml 11
Remember our family motto: "Not in the face".
sabrinaacrow 26
That sounds like an innuendo
benshady 0
haha that sucks just brush your teeth and use a lot of mouthwash and you'll be fine
badbunny 0
YDI for having children.
frankgrimes 4
ummmm Mother hood? "bing" thats what its all about.
blastvortex 4
Ah, kids... gotta love 'em. These kinds of things are to be expected. No one (intelligent) ever said parenting was easy.
adventurepaws 0
Sorry to say, but you deserved it for allowing her to try to scratch you.
PhillyFox 0
Your child started to scratch your face? I sure hope you gave her a spanking for that one.
lmaoatyourlife 0
Why would you 'scould' a child for exploring and being curious? Obviously you have to tell her not to pick dead animals and such up but you should just be calm when explaining. The little girl didn't actually do ANYTHING wrong, so YDI.
ohnomama 0
Yah no shit. If the kid is young enough to not have a reaction of OH EW DEAD ANIMAL she probably had no idea what she was doing was wrong. How old is the kid in question? She sounds pretty young. So you were letting her play outside alone (watching from a window don't cut it with young kids..obviously she had time to get to a dead bird) Then you scolded her for picking up something interesting.
Mudley 0
When you say "daughter," you mean "cat" right? That would make a lot more sense, in multiple places.
jim69_fml 0
haha win
jjcooper 0
she tried to scratch YOUR face? why would you let her do that in the first place?