Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my 7-year-old daughter came up to me in a noisy mall and said "boo-boo" pointing to her hand. Not paying enough attention, I kissed her hand to make her feel better. She grimaced and said "No dad, bird poo." FML
Today, I was holding hands with my daughter and she wanted to skip. When I went to skip I accidentally kneed her in the face. Everyone saw her holding her busted lip and pointing at me. FML
Today, after we finished making my 6 year-old daughter a net to catch an injured baby bird, when she went out to catch it she witnessed a stray cat catch and eat it. FML
Today, I was playing with my four month old daughter, flying her in the air like an airplane. I open my mouth saying 'Weeee', and she vomited on my face. FML
Today, instead of kissing my child's boo-boo on her finger to make it feel better, I accidentally headbutted her. FML
Today, while at a restaurant, I watched in horror as my daughter picked a hair out of her food and continued eating it. FML
Today, I received a medical bill because my daughter thought it would be hilarious to try and fit her fist in her mouth. She succeeded in getting it in, but not in getting it out. FML
Today, while I was babysitting, the toddler was feeding me banana slices from her tray while I was cutting up clay for her to mold. It was all fine until she shoved something hard and crunchy into my mouth. I immediately spat it out into my hand. It was a dead cricket she found on the floor. FML
Today, while I was cooking, my dogs were messing around behind me. I suddenly felt a painful bite on my ass cheek and instinctively kicked back. I then realized it was my 3-year-old daughter, who was laying on the floor crying with a nose bleed. FML
Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Quietcannon 0
She tried to scratch your face? How is she that bad with her behavior already?! She needs to be spanked.
Mudley 0
When you say "daughter," you mean "cat" right? That would make a lot more sense, in multiple places.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (108)
starvingxartist 0
oh, and also, anyone bitching about the scolding, your kids are/will be obnoxious little brats because you have no parenting skills, just saying.
sarahrenee4487 0
Research shows that redirection and explaining most concepts are more effective than scolding. In some cases scolding is a better choice, when a child should know better, but most of the time (even when a child may know better), redirection and explaining works better than scolding. Children forget things just like we do. Has your boss or has a teacher ever told you something and you had to ask them to explain it again? That is the same concept. Remember, you can attract more bees with honey than vinegar.
Krulin 8
Your daughter is going to grow up to become catwoman
COBRAMORPH 0
Since you are a woman, you should be used to having "bird meat" in your mouth.
Few_Absolutes 0
In my household, everyone knows that "attempting to scratch mom in the face" equals "one broke-nosed child."
sarahrenee4487 0
Sorry, but you realize that scolding her for picking the bird up would not have done any good anyway? Did she know already not to pick up the dead bird? Had she done it before? Did she have the schema to attach the concept to that she shouldn't touch a dead animal? Children need redirection, not all of this yelling and scolding that we do. You were right in rushing to her and taking the bird out of her hand, but then you should have gotten on her level and told her that she should not pick up dead animals and explained WHY. If she gets used to your yelling, she will not listen to you and continue to misbehave.
sarahrenee4487 0
A person commented on the fact that the mother may not have been "scolding" in the traditional sense of the word, and that the little girl may not have scratched before. They also brought up other good points. I had not thought of it that way and want to thank that poster for showing me some perspective.
owneditup 0
if ur daughter attacks u wen u scold her ydi for not disciplining ur kids
fairydust404 3
I couldn't agree more!
winslow310560 0
that little b***h I would have beat her down for trying to her her mother. it's too bad parents are afraid to diciplin their kids anymore.
My2864 1
so? stop being a germ-freak you wont die.. DAMN now i recently got my tongue pierced so that wouldve been a problem for me but jesus its called mouthwash