Today, my 7-year-old daughter came up to me in a noisy mall and said "boo-boo" pointing to her hand. Not paying enough attention, I kissed her hand to make her feel better. She grimaced and said "No dad, bird poo." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML
Today, instead of kissing my child's boo-boo on her finger to make it feel better, I accidentally headbutted her. FML
Today, my 3-year-old daughter came along, pointing a finger at me. I pretended to eat it by putting it in my mouth. She then said to me with disgust, "Why are you eating my booger?" Ah, that explains the saltiness… FML
Today, I was at the grocery with my 4 year-old daughter. She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down. When I was done, I tickled her under the armpit, and she screamed, "Don't touch me there!" Everyone in the store turned to stare. FML
Today, a little girl pointed to the acne on my face and said to her dad, "Look at how many mosquito bites she has on her face!" FML
Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML
Today, I was holding hands with my daughter and she wanted to skip. When I went to skip I accidentally kneed her in the face. Everyone saw her holding her busted lip and pointing at me. FML
Today, my 7-year-old used the word "crap". When I told her that she mustn't use that word because it's rude, she simply replied, "Mother, you should hear the words I use at school." FML
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Top comments
seximexi911 10
Dirty mouth? Clean it up!! Hahaha I'm sorry I'm laughing at your expense op. :)
theunwiseone 4
Well that's a shitty situ........ No??? Oh ok then. If anyone needs me I'll be sitting in the "overused pun corner"
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Comments (108)
seximexi911 10
Dirty mouth? Clean it up!! Hahaha I'm sorry I'm laughing at your expense op. :)
Souners 3
Shit happens.
xxGheTToGumbYxx 16
What the French toast?!
nixter5 18
23 - I just knew someone would say it.
bubble25_fml 5
40- I just knew someone would say "I just knew someone would say it" to number 23. =__=
Sebastian_NG 17
55 No you didn't
urdirtyolduncle 15
I just knew I was gonna have pancakes this morning.
PeypeyTheBeeotch 1
Dude!! I so read this in her accent!!XD
n_epic_fail 14
Anyone else hate birds?...
kelissa_fml 16
Yet your pic is of a bird... Haha
kareltje 17
LOL! YDI, that's what you get for not listening to your kids!
cutie1078 5
I think he means he wasn't paying attention to her hand, he obviously cares if she's hurt if he kissed her hand.
marziscrazy 6
^^ never said he didn't care. Whoever wrote this clearly stated that the op should listen to his kids.
GabbyCharityM 0
It said in the FML that they were in a noisy mall. If you have a life and have ever been to a mall, you'd know how hard it is to hear people sometimes. OP was listening, but didn't hear correctly.
TheFunnyzach 3
#2 is a dingleberry.
castlebabii 6
Hah maybe next time you should care if your daughters hurt or something!!
Blueglasscup 18
Your DP summarises how I reacted to the FML.
Llama_Face89 34
It was in a loud mall...a kid saying bird poo can easily be mistaken for boo boo. Especially if the guy is paying attention to his kid and (I'm assuming) Christmas shopping.
Xx_Dakota_xX 1
34- y are u talking about double penetration?
somerandomdude19 2
Time to buy sum orbit :)
britthath 0
pay more attention to your child, ydi
cosmosis 12
... Geezus! Another one!! In a NOISEY shopping centre with people and alot of background noise, and usually the soft voice of a child, bird poo can sound alot like boo boo!
ninjabird1 0
Someone is going to be using a lot of toothpaste and mouthwash. (:
WCARlover 35
Dirty mouth? Clean it up with Orbitz...just figured I'd finish what 1 was trying to say
that1guy1 13
No need, I think we all know where they were going with it.
theunwiseone 4
Well that's a shitty situ........ No??? Oh ok then. If anyone needs me I'll be sitting in the "overused pun corner"
Feklfekl2222 32
Queue the 20 comments seriously saying that pun without checking for comments like this first.
jackassiddy 8
8- Reading your comment was like a breath of fresh air after nearly drowning in a pool of shitty ass comments..
Stallion91 6
Eat shit fits perfect here
Anubyte 0
Now the boo-boo is in your mouth!