Today, my daughter turned one month old. I decided to give her a congratulatory kiss on the cheek. She decided to projectile vomit warm breastmilk into my partially open mouth. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I asked my one-year-old to come and give mommy a kiss. She did and it was really sweet, until she tried to spit a piece of dog food into my mouth. FML
Today, after I finished giving my baby a bottle then burping her, I lifted her up and was bringing her in for kisses. As I was doing this, I felt this warm liquid hit my lips and slide into my mouth. I instantly pulled her back and she'd vomited. It took everything out of me not to vomit myself. FML
Today, I was playing with my four month old daughter, flying her in the air like an airplane. I open my mouth saying 'Weeee', and she vomited on my face. FML
Today, I went to visit my mom and my 3-month-old sister. I picked the baby up, totally unaware that she had just eaten. As I went to give her a kiss, she vomited straight into my mouth. Let's just say she wasn't the only one who puked. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, I kissed the girl I love for the first time. Her reaction? She vomited. FML
Today, my daughter was feeling sick. She threw up on the floor. As I was cleaning up her vomit, she threw up on my head. Twice. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, I taught my 18 month-old daughter to wipe the green, snotty mucus from under her nose with a tissue. To which, like a ninja, she then wiped my open-mouthed upper lip with that same snotty tissue. FML
Today, my six-month-old daughter decided to explore my nose, and before I could stop her she shoved her thumb deep in there. She thought it was hilarious when blood started gushing down my shirt. My nose is agony to touch and I still had to clean her up first. FML
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Top comments
no1askdu 5
thats how i say i love you
SlightlyGPirate 0
i didn't know men could breastfeed now! must be some genetic thing.
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Comments (106)
flyingpoo 0
How the hell is this an FML? It ain't even YDI! What the crap poop?
tayliarae 0
I think that the comments made on here about this particular FML are going to make me stop reading them completely. What a bunch of juvenile remarks. damn. As for the post - it's just a part of parenthood. :)
flyingpoo 0
Exactly, this is one of those moments that a family will later on share with great laughter. FML? OP Please delete yourself.
gigi37 0
I completely agree with you #28. I rarely start to read the comments now unless I myself feel the need to comment because they're all the same. Someone is first, then someone else complains about it. Then other people post to the first post to be near the top. Someone adds troll YDI statements like "YDI it for being nice." And then there are the commentators that have half-of-the-page conversations on song lyrics or how stupid another commenter is. Oy vey. Sorry for the rant =) Anyways, OP, it's not like the baby really knows it's her month old birthday. Also, she's a baby, that's what they do. But it's all worth it
tgd4444 9
EVERYONE!!! ^BURY THIS LOSER^
DresdenB17 0
how does it feel to vreastfeed yourself? nutritious?
gargoyle666 5
This really isn't an FML. Kiss your daughter every day, dude, and don't worry about second-hand milk now and then :)
sublime93 0
Why was your mouth wide open when you gave her a kiss? That's awkward-looking
Moemoemoe_fml 0
Have you people never baby talked to anyone?? The barf hit him AFTER the kiss, or it wouldn't have gone in his mouth. Either that, or he was screaming in horror as it flew for his face. Might be. XD
col535 0
yeah, no one barfs out of their cheek.
yanagi_fml 0
if your kid really had projectile vomit you should bring her to a doctor coz it means she has pyloric stenosis...
andrewms 0
you know you liked it...
Uepari 0
24:Afterward, he needs to shout WHAT NOW, BITCH? OP: 9 out of 10 one-month olds disapprove of being French kissed.
AshleyRose784 0
welcome to motherhood! there will be many more of those incidents in the months and years so come so get ready
boredperson 0
its a guy
sugarcakebomb 0
Not an FML she's a baby, puking, eating, pooping, sleeping is their life... get used to it.