Today, my daughter turned one month old. I decided to give her a congratulatory kiss on the cheek. She decided to projectile vomit warm breastmilk into my partially open mouth. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I asked my one-year-old to come and give mommy a kiss. She did and it was really sweet, until she tried to spit a piece of dog food into my mouth. FML
Today, after I finished giving my baby a bottle then burping her, I lifted her up and was bringing her in for kisses. As I was doing this, I felt this warm liquid hit my lips and slide into my mouth. I instantly pulled her back and she'd vomited. It took everything out of me not to vomit myself. FML
Today, I was playing with my four month old daughter, flying her in the air like an airplane. I open my mouth saying 'Weeee', and she vomited on my face. FML
Today, I went to visit my mom and my 3-month-old sister. I picked the baby up, totally unaware that she had just eaten. As I went to give her a kiss, she vomited straight into my mouth. Let's just say she wasn't the only one who puked. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, I kissed the girl I love for the first time. Her reaction? She vomited. FML
Today, my daughter was feeling sick. She threw up on the floor. As I was cleaning up her vomit, she threw up on my head. Twice. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, I taught my 18 month-old daughter to wipe the green, snotty mucus from under her nose with a tissue. To which, like a ninja, she then wiped my open-mouthed upper lip with that same snotty tissue. FML
Today, my six-month-old daughter decided to explore my nose, and before I could stop her she shoved her thumb deep in there. She thought it was hilarious when blood started gushing down my shirt. My nose is agony to touch and I still had to clean her up first. FML
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Top comments
no1askdu 5
thats how i say i love you
SlightlyGPirate 0
i didn't know men could breastfeed now! must be some genetic thing.
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Comments (106)
lovesanaix413 0
welcome to being a parent. you'll also get pissed on, shitted on, be kept up all night, and have one of those days when she doesnt stop crying.
ohnomama 0
Congrats :) Babies are wonderful. This is just one of the first of many bodily fluids you will get covered in, part and parcel of parenting. Its worth it though. Give your wife major kuddos and support for breastfeeding!
keres 0
She was trying to say she didn't effing care.
teiso_fml 0
This is a normal part of parenting, or so I believe.
justibackwardsn 0
This is horrible. Your relationship with your daughter is forever ruined by vomit. You should ditch her and try for a more perfect baby... Seriously what did you expect? That the creation from your exploding ****** wouldn't ever disappoint you-even if it is just a little spitup?
kaytlinblindsey 0
happens to everyone.!
happy_animal_lov 0
it's a baby. you are going to be up all night, be shitted on, peed on, and piled on a thousand times. get used to it
glitterbabe224 0
yummy(:
waffle_house13 5
at least it was warm..................
lolol_BKYCHO 3
Why was your mouth open? It's a baby kiss, not a **** kiss.